"Anna Hazare was about to 'catharcize' whole nation in one go"

It was almost a 'Godly' attempt by Anna Hazare, who fervent in his attempt to force UPA into passing a strong Lokpal, took a different stance at Ram Leela Ground on Monday.

Annaji was conducting a day-long fast where every party except Congress had its leaders doing the rounds of speech-making. Crowds had come in great numbers and it was suddenly proclaimed by activist Arvind Kejrival, that for the sake of nation and to sterilize it from bug corruption, Annaji had decided to be 'God' for a day.

While the media channels had thought of such a claim as a mere entertainment tactic that Team Anna had a past indulging in, it was Faking News who knew that the man Anna always had the potential to assume a supernatural status, if not, for a short while.

The effect was gigantic and in a flash, the crowd began to pull up those who had been engaging in corrupt practices in past or of late. 

The first one to come up was a washer-man who confessed to have stolen a piece of paper which he had thought of money but it turned out to be a broken piece of Lokpal draft. The leakage of the contents of draft was later traced to this very washer-man. 

It was seen that Anna's charm had persuaded several men in similar clothes to group in the first row from the stage. The color of their clothes was 'khakhi' and one of them, probably the DGP, raised a white banner which read, "We are all ashamed, Annaji."

The problem was aggravated as the supernatural charm was intensified when suddenly politicians from all the parties began pouring in. Almost everyone of them while asked to speech began to confess of their own indulgence in corruption. Annaji was sneering from behind as the ministers could not believed what they were saying.

Small episodic confessions were also there: A sarkari clerk had began to incessantly blurt out numbers and he continued even after the event was over. A short chindi hold out a document in air and clamored "Here Annaji, I submit. This is Bhajji's passport. Take it if you want."

When Kiran Bedi passed the crowd a sack of coal asking them to smear their face in black tinge as a dishonorary mark of being corrupt, there began a chain of black-faces which didn't end till the sack was empty. Someone was rushed to get extra sacks. It is not confirmed though but Kiran Bedi, with her hands black from passing the coal-sack shook hands with Kejrival, too. CBI has been asked by missing Congress to verify if those were also the 'Corruption marks'.

The whole event brought a collective shame to the gathered numbers. Annaji was smiling his white smile and he shone like a moon until his charm was broken. A man on the stage when allegedly claimed to see some black marks on Anna's neck, was given to the crowd and was pawar-slapped. The opposition later charged Congress to have tricked them all as it said the darkest black color would have been borne by Congressmen, had they been present and thus, explained their absence.

"The whole population of Internet Users soon to be behind bars under new IT Act"

Reacting to the defamatory content being published on the internet, the Government has come up with an act that hold clauses which would allegedly put the whole Internet community behind bars. 

Mr. Sibbal explained the clauses with a skirmish smile while his mole shone like a lode star in the press. " See, I am going to narrate one by one how every single user can be held responsible for his internet conduct."

The first thing was obviously what would be considered defamatory. Sibbal says that since it is a social forum, so every person who has more than say 200 friends or followers, would be (and is self professedly) a public figure. An application of clause 1 of the IT law would mean even if a friend has written F-word or anything defamatory, be it in the form of banter, he/ she would be chargeable under the law.

Any video or graphical image if shared with anybody would make them equally liable under 'Defamatory chain clause' of the law. This would potentially put all the millions who shared 'Kolaveri Video' since a sassy girl from IIPM has filed an FIR that the song personally offends her. All the IP addresses of those who shared the video would be soon behind the bars or may have to serve a sentence in IIPM itself.

One branch of CBI is also tracing those net buddies who had once defamed God Sachin as he was criticised when he was having a poor run in form. Mr. Khatri, a CBI official investing the case, shockingly reveled that Sachin himself may be incarcerated since he had written somewhere this line: "I am in a bad form and would think of quitting if it continues like this."

The situation is more worse with 'Feduciary Liability clause' which says that if the computer is traced to a particular house but no one person agrees to it, then Mother Father Sister Brother Grandfather Grandmother would be picked up and put under special 'Family cells' in Tihar.

Sibbal has issued a special warning to Faking News, notifying the clause, that since there is a bulky community of followers, if any post is found defamatory then all of them would he held for offence on the ground of 'Abetting in crime'. An equal guilt would mark them as offenders under the law. Followers were soon found to remove all the comments and likes on Sibbal's last few posts. 

The whole internet community is lulled. Nobody is writing or complaining as it would amount to offence under some clause. We have risked our head while writing this post but if we are put behind the bars, we urge you to keep your hands off any virtual violence online.

"123 new weasel words and novel F Bombs discovered by Indians after Kabil Sibbal's comments"

Within minutes of Kabil Sibbal's comments to pre-screen the comments on Facebook, Indian Online Engines churned out such a blast of F-words, sleaze poems and point-blank weasel content, that left even the Facebook astounded.

Reacting to Sibbal's content, a sudden surge among the Internet Users were observed. People, as the reports suggest, reacted according to their distinctive pedigree.

While the flag bearers of Free Speech deliberately used words like "In your face", " Sibbal Teri M** K* C***" , "***tia " and challenged the minister to come after them if he had the nuts, the reaction of youngsters especially from Engineering Colleges was innovatively different. The attempts are underway to mix the cuss words so that Facebook may never know what to remove. Like the ending 'e' from 'Parachute' was cut, replacing 'o' by 'u' in London.

Mrighal, an IIT-ian, designed a bug which would automatically place the initials of Kapil Sibbal, after every F-word used at online forum. "It is my anger against the encroachment", he wrote, "who the F*** K.S is he to ask me what not to write" and illustrated one example, too.

There was fear among the bloggers who always stuck to normal parlance staying away from swear words. They realized if they didn't use the prohibited words, then they may never know who did they look like while using them. Anytime the ban may be imposed. Thus, many journalists, content writers and bloggers started to throw deliberate F-bombs, C-bombs and M-missiles which, due to their little usage over the years, were sluggish. 

A common trend noticeable was that most of the new discovered words were being tested first with the subject name of Kabil Sibbal himself. It was laughable. The poor minister was last found to be lambasted 53million times on a solo basis, while 12million comments extended to involve maa-bhehen too.

Facebook, responding to the flurry came out with a solution after watching the shocking response of netizens, and explained the honorable minister that the objectionable content would be one fourth from now, if they they debar 'just his name' from being used. When it was explained to Sibbal what had the audience done to his name, he took out his Blackberry only to flush red as some Visual Design unemployed had sent him his nude pic in bathroom, which is allegedly thought to be morphed.

"Pakistan made fake Facebook profile to send 'Friend Request' to U.S"

If the reports are to be believed, Pakistan Foreign Affairs Ministry has sent a 'friend request' to United States using a fake Facebook Account.

The relationship of Pakistan with United States has been on the downhill since the army of Pakistan issued orders to retaliate any attack from NATO forces in the future. Also, Pakistan is boycotting the meeting with United States in Afghanistan as a mark of protest.

Inside officials blurted to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, that such a carefully thought step would help insure to play 'both ways'. On one side, people would feel that U.S and Pakistan are no more friends on Facebook while at the same time, Pakistan could still like U.S's photos if the friend request is accepted.

Heena Khar said that Pakistan would still need to do some homework first. To make a fake profile isn't easy. It should have already some friends under its Friend list to convince U.S of its genuine status. Afghanistan, Uzbekisthan, Kazakasthan, Morocco and the like, who are famous to accept anybody's friend request would be made friends first and then U.S would be approached.

Pakistan if hopeful that its new tactic could even help in viewing U.S's photos with other nations which was not allowed earlier owing to Pakistan's bad reputation of Unrealistic Eve Teaser. But Ministry says that it would refrain from commenting on U.S's profile as the bad grammar would easily let know that the fudge nation is Pakistan.

President Asif Zardari, still using Orkut, took sometime to know the features of Facebook but once learnt, said "Oh good! Lets stalk India."

Though, with recruitment of Ankur from IIT-Delhi by Facebook, ISI was skeptical of the move. Kayani said,"65 lacs for an undergrad! Don't you see the Indian hand there? He could be a RAW agent."

It is yet to be decided what name would such a fake profile bear. 'Namibia' could be chosen if there is no such username on Facebook. Also, whether 'Pakistan'  would be the friend of this fake-nation is yet to be decided.

" After bail, Kanimozhi says she finds her life as 'changed changed' "

After months of dithering from Supreme Court, finally, Kanimozhi took a sigh of relief when she was granted bail by the court. In her joy, Mrs. Kanimozhi was scampering to her hometown where a grand party had been organized by her father, Karunanidhi.

Though Mrs. Karunanidhi didn't discuss anything with the reporters after her release, she had promised to Faking News that we would be the first who she would give interview to. And she did call us in the evening.

"I told you I would call you first," she said, while we were fixing cameras in her garden, "I have never lied and never took any bribe". Sachchi, for a moment, we thought we were convinced.

We asked her our pet ice-breaker of a question: 'So Kaniji, how do you feel spending months in jail? How do you feel?'

She was in her comfortable airs and replied smilingly, 'Ohh! It is like, you know, something changed changed as they say in Hindi movies. I feel at home.'

She told us how she has been a changed person herself. 'After months of seeing those culprits in prison, I was tired. Some youngsters, having no idea of who I  was, even hit on me a couple of times. It was only after I throw abuses one day when they realized I was from somewhere South and left me spare after that.'

When asked, what new she noticed after release, Kanimozhi said that her channel had suffered loses, Papa had been tired of his innumerous rounds of Delhi and of course, that we mediawalas have got new stylish cameras. Though, we noticed, she didn't comment anything about our phones and phone networks. But when we prodded  her she just said, "The matter is still sub judice" and showed us--or what we felt-- a teasing anghutha (thumb).

She also openly told us about her new offers from Tamil Movies. She is a star now and mere her name would pull audience to the theatres. Also, she shyly said, there is one offer from Bollywood as Madhur Bhandarkar had confirmed her dates (when she is possibly not back in Court)- the movie is Jail-2, and the story, too, could be written by Kani herself. She is known to have accepted the offer only if the villain in the film is Subramanium Swamy.

When asked would she be accepted as a heroin, she was quick to reply, ' Type my name in Google bar, and observe what the second option that unfolds. It says "Kanimozhi hot" and you still have doubts?' We verified and she, again, was speeking nothing but the truth.

Then she answered a couple of questions more and got up. We asked where she was going and she, shamelessly blurted, 'Papa just called. There is one meeting with some guys who want to buy some spectrum of 4G.' She shooed away and what we felt was a thundering silence in the room.

"CBI to launch a special 'Investigation Series' to deal with Elite-slapping"

Owing to the increasing episodes of elites-- mainly ministers-- being at the receiving end of slaps and blows of late, Government has asked Central Bureau of Investigation(CBI) to take the case in its hands.

This is the only agreement that could be agreed between all the parties and the decision was unanimously taken at the back channels of the Parliament. 'In common fear, ministers stand united', quipped Mani Shankar Ayer.

"We have been asked to psychologically understand the perpetrators of slaps, to understand the germs of anger which led to such outbursts. We are already through our investigations. The slacks from Fingerprinting Department are proving to be a great help in our investigation" said Kanti Shah, a renowned CBI official.

When asked what is their modus operandi, Shah stated, "See, we have a pronged approach here. Baba Bhavishya-Batau,who is expert in reading palms, and has been a great associator of CBI in the past is our apt tool. We would take fingerprints from the cheeks, necks and other portions, where the ministers were slapped and those prints would be interpreted by Baba to understand the motives and more importantly to know the possibility of future attacks from the same slapper"

It was clear how renowned slapper Harvinder Singh, who warned of suchlike attacks after overpowering Pawar, could be stopped using Baba's gyan. 

"Sukhram ji, who had been slapped since a while now, had mistakenly washed his cheek in Tide in awe, and thus the prints came badly. But Mr.Pawar's cheek had well-cut contours of Harvinder's hand-marks. What worries us is that Baba Bhavishya-Batau says the man has still many slaps to go", informed Kanti Shah.

A team had been sent to P.Chidambram's house since we thought he could have kept the legendary chappal that was thrown at him, which could have helped understand chappal-slinger from his palm prints of not of hands. What we found that senior minister, knowing that his days in Parliament could be numbered, spends most of his time in the House, though sitting idle. Thus, he was not in his home when CBI went, as Mr.Shah informed, but there was a stray chappal lying near the edge of his garden.

To widen the database, possible suspects like the ones with large hands and loose chappals are to be identified and precautionary measures are taken by taking their finger prints in advance. all these would be read by Baba.

The method of investigation took a new turn, when S.S Rathore, a culprit in Ruchika Girhotra's case who was bashed outside a Chandigarh Court, disclosed to CBI that, in his case, it was more of desi ghassuns (indigenous fists) than mere slaps. The disclosure meant that apart from palm and feet signs, the knuckles, too, have to be considered for the Database. This has delayed the CBI's report, as says Mr. Shah, otherwise Baba Bhavishya-Batau would have by now predicted the next elite who will be bashed.

"CBI to launch a special 'Investigation Series' to deal with Elite-slapping"

While the media buzz had not stopped from humming since the Bollywood queen Madhuri Dixit moved back to India with her family, Mrs. Nene has decided to ponder going back to United States. The reasons, as she puts herself, are obvious and blaring at your face: "This country, bhaisaab, is not the one I had left. a lot has changed."

Madhuri had been summoned to launch a mobile model at a local shop in Mumbai, when she, out of sheer joy, proclaimed 'Bombay' instead of 'Mumbai'. Hints are that there were some MNS workers who had been employed to make arrangements for the small felicitation and then what followed was furore. Madhuri was dumbstuck to find that 'tejaab'has been poured over the usage of this Portuguese mispronounced 'Bombay'.

Thought the MNS workers were convinced after the apologies were given by the shop owner Mr. Chashmebadoor, the further mud was slung by the presence of Ashok Chavan in the party. Press reporters had been hording up and demanding answers if Mr. Chavan ever had dreams on staying in Adarsh society flat to which the reply of the sacked minister was: " Yes! why not? It was yesterday only that I dreamed that court has issued a judgement in my favor. And since I had a firm belief now that my dream would come true because once in my college I had a secret crush on Madhuri, and see today she is here."

Madhuri, when asked what she thinks of 2G scandal and Commonwealth loot, she said she didn't know much about that. When Faking News had to refer a calculator to point the number of zeroes in the loot money, Madhuri was dumbstruck and the image of zeroes in her eyes transfered from calculator's flash made her dizzy. When she regained her senses, she still had remnants of that image in her eyes.

When asked what she thinks of Rahul Gandhi, she was reluctant to speak indicating to a sad faced man standing nine feet away who had airs of a politician, and would mind if she says anything untoward. But, we must admit we were about to laugh because the man was Sharad Pawar and told Madhuri, to explain her morose mood, that the poor guy had been slapped and, by the way, he was not from BJP. Madhuri was appalled to know the price of onion and daal, when we explained her the reason why Mr. Pawar was slapped. She immediately ordered Dr. Nene to buy more of pasta and less of onion for the week.

It was then when we came to know of her reluctance to prolong her stay because on being asked where would she buy her house in Bom...err..Mumbai, that she, taking some paper from 'choli ke peeche se' said: "this is my U.S passport. What does it say? It says I am a tourist here, so please mind your questions" and then she walked away from us. Speculation are that she had a small fight with her doctor husband last night, and urged him to move back to U.S since "India has changed".

"Madhuri soon to move back to California since India isn't the same"

While the media buzz had not stopped from humming since the Bollywood queen Madhuri Dixit moved back to India with her family, Mrs. Nene has decided to ponder going back to United States. The reasons, as she puts herself, are obvious and blaring at your face: "This country, bhaisaab, is not the one I had left. a lot has changed."

Madhuri had been summoned to launch a mobile model at a local shop in Mumbai, when she, out of sheer joy, proclaimed 'Bombay' instead of 'Mumbai'. Hints are that there were some MNS workers who had been employed to make arrangements for the small felicitation and then what followed was furore. Madhuri was dumbstuck to find that 'tejaab' has been poured over the usage of this Portuguese mispronounced 'Bombay'.

Thought the MNS workers were convinced after the apologies were given by the shop owner Mr. Chashmebadoor, the further mud was slung by the presence of Ashok Chavan in the party. Press reporters had been hording up and demanding answers if Mr. Chavan ever had dreams on staying in Adarsh society flat to which the reply of the sacked minister was: " Yes! why not? It was yesterday only that I dreamed that court has issued a judgement in my favor. And since I had a firm belief now that my dream would come true because once in my college I had a secret crush on Madhuri, and see today she is here."

Madhuri, when asked what she thinks of 2G scandal and Commonwealth loot, she said she didn't know much about that. When Faking News had to refer a calculator to point the number of zeroes in the loot money, Madhuri was dumbstruck and the image of zeroes in her eyes transfered from calculator's flash made her dizzy. When she regained her senses, she still had remnants of that image in her eyes.

When asked what she thinks of Rahul Gandhi, she was reluctant to speak indicating to a sad faced man standing nine feet away who had airs of a politician, and would mind if she says anything untoward. But, we must admit we were about to laugh because the man was Sharad Pawar and told Madhuri, to explain her morose mood, that the poor guy had been slapped and, by the way, he was not from BJP. Madhuri was appalled to know the price of onion and daal, when we explained her the reason why Mr. Pawar was slapped. She immediately ordered Dr. Nene to buy more of pasta and less of onion for the week.

It was then when we came to know of her reluctance to prolong her stay because on being asked where would she buy her house in Bom...err..Mumbai, that she, taking some paper from 'choli ke peeche se' said: "this is my U.S passport. What does it say? It says I am a tourist here, so please mind your questions" and then she walked away from us. Speculation are that she had a small fight with her doctor husband last night, and urged him to move back to U.S since "India has changed". 

" Indian Parliament's auditorium to be face lifted into an amusement park"

Indian Parliament is going to be given a face lift soon, a decision announced by Parliamentary Affairs minister Pawan Bansal, was said to be unanimously accepted by the House.

The winter session has been hijacked by the protests from the opposition and the speaker had expressed clearly that the session can't continue without any breakthrough. When the money being spent each day was mulled it amounted to 2 crores and thus, it was decided to better employ that money into something productive.

When Lalu Yadav and Ramvilas Paswan were seen playing cards in one corner, the idea popped into a Samajwadi party worker's mind to renovate the House with the look of a park. Soon, the creative Kabil Sibal came up with a rough blueprint of the auditorium and what followed was planning among gaffes.

It was proposed that Navjot Singh Sidhu would be the usher at the door who would introduce airs of joviality through his phrases and Gurushala. The corner to the left of the entrance, where Lalu and Paswan sat, would be given a shed where the buffaloes and sheep can be herded. If Renuka Chaudhari is willing to draw milk then it owuld be fine or some arrangement would be made so that the MPs are given theri fair share of tea/ coffee. 

Mayawati's statue would be the main attraction, as per the blueprint. The statue would hold a ticket for the ones willing to see and the money raised would go to but sandals and attires of real Maya. 

Mr.Sharad Pawar would be given a small area to plough so that he may better understand the plight of the farmer. Irrigation minister would be asked to maintain the stall so that no intruders are allowed who may imitate sunny Deol in slapping minsiters.

The corner opposite to Lalu's shed would hold a shack where, it is purported, Rahul Gandhi would have a feel of a poor's house. Soniaji is expected to be in-charge of this stall.

A large mirror would be tilted to a side of this shack where Manmohanji is expected to don his turban. Soniaji may instruct him even in his folds.

A polling booth would be erected somewhere where a member from DMK would be asked to charge for calling. 

The option of setting up of park was then accepted by a House Vote and only P. Chidambaram objected to it since he wishes to put a point that one person really doesn't matter when all the ministers are like minded.

Obama asks Manmohan to teach him how to don a turban.

When the diplomats from Obama administration met with Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in Bali, there was an air of familiarity that was never seen by either's media and PR teams. It was clear that meeting quite often has introduced an enviable camaraderie between the two echelons of world politics.

Here was what the greeting reaction of the two were:

Barrack Obama: "Yo yo Singh. You are the king. Nothing but the king. A jolly Sardar, in a corrupt Sarkar, a man of Shishtachar, but what is Brishtachar?" 

Manmohan Singh, who was plunging towards Obama, in small slight 'balle-balle' steps of Bhangra (almost forcing his middle finger into Obama's eye) caroling " Aahu! AAhu! Aahu!. Ho Obama mere yaar, kyu baateing kare bekaar, eh rola-rappa to ik palda, Sara India aise hi chalda"

The Obama smirked not to have understood the carol but is expected to be told by Chatwal family once he is back in USA. It is reported that nothing much of any importance was discussed and both were, in fact, discussing their personal lives to each other. Obama complained of Mitchell's rising expenses to look white while Manmohanji shared his grief of Gursharan Kaur's scowls of listening more to an Italian lady than his very own Punjaban."

After their meet, both had a game of cards in which Manmohan Singh, a man of numbers as he has always been, defeated Obama in all three games of Rummy. The other diplomats looked humiliated to know Obama's defeat and vowed to teach Obama some tricks. The diplomats felt that only if Obama knew how play this odd game, the recession could have been controlled somehow. The official drafting of the meeting, when later obtained by Faking News through clever sources, transpired that Obama had asked Singh to teach him how to don the turban, how to lip-synch "Aahu! Aahu! Aahu!" and also, the advantages and disadvantages of staying silent in a democracy.

"Rakhi Sawant to contest from BSP in Utter Pradesh's assembly polls"

It was announced after a secret meeting between Rakhi Sawant' manager( yes! she has a manager) and Mayawati's PR team that the bold girl be given a ticket to contest in the next year's assembly polls. The decision was unanimously accepted by those present and Rakhi Sawant was informed of the decision over phone.

Rakhi hadn't been coming up with a novel publicity stunt. She had applied and exhausted all the tricks from her kitty ranging from 'Mika-smooching' to 'Elesh-fooling' and in the journey, she had earned quite a moolah. It was when her manager (sachi! she has one) informed her of an opportunity in UP elections. 

UP has a woman Chief Minister and that catapulted Rakhi's chances of grabbing a ticket. Mayawati was very happy to get services from the sleaze-ridden girl and she, in order to encourage Rakhi's moral to win, told her over the phone, "And may be Rakhi behen, you might be the subsidiary lady beside my statue in hundreds of parks in UP. After that, you won't need any more publicity stunts."

There were definitely some hiccups but they were individually removed as a part of the process. First, whether or not to portray Rakhi's cleavage on the party's posters, which had a solution that since young dalits would droolingly come and vote, senior dalits may object and thus, posters with cleavages would be pasted in the areas, corners and shady-parks where the youth are a majority. It was also a solution that dalit-oldies, who have poor sight, may take the bulky breast of Rakhi as-what else?--the Elephanta, with slightly fair skin."

Secondly, if in case Rakhi wins and the situation to put her statue arises, where would come the terribly extra quantities of mortar, cement and mosaic to make her larger-than-Manmohan's-pagdi lips and Hathi-bottomed busty breasts. But there was someone who had the solution: 'The cement for clothes could be used as a replacement for lips and breast. She can be given a bikini in the statue. When crafted, it won't be much visible to be notified in detail."

When the issue came that Rakhi could possibly be taken as a symbol of marriage-less figure who nobody wants to marry and thus would undermine the concept of over-population in UP. But it was well addressed by someone, "No, not at all. In fact, it adds credibility to Maya's celibacy as well. It could pass hints that Mayawati, too, might have done such a show in her thirties where she was betrayed by Elesh-like chap from Lucknow (if not Canada), and after which she was bhehenji for ever. So everything fits."

There are also rumors that Mika could also be asked to campaign in exchange for petrol for his Hummer, as Rakhi is expected to go on domestic violence theme in her run-up. Mika could be asked to throw an apology for his forcible kisses to Rakhi Sawant, during his rooting for Rakhi in the elections next year. "'The swollen face and haunting smile of Rakhi coalesce well with the victim of domestic violence. So, Bingo!", said Rakhi's manager (Kasam khata hoon!) to Maya's PR team.

The meeting was held very secretively as the details of the set-up was much prone to have a 'leak' to Julian Assange's all-pervasive network. 

"At his brother's wedding, all possibles efforts to be made not to repeat 'Jessica' "

While some may say that a 5 day parole leave for Manu Sharma is a relief for the family but the situation doesn't seems to follow so easily.

When Faking News contacted Vinod Sharma, father to Manu, he looked perturbed by it and said, "Well! I don't know how to react. He is 'garam punjabi khoon' and that is what I worry about. I have to locate all the revolvers in the house otherwise he may repeat a similar feat at wedding."

Father's endearing concerns appear genuine to us. Manu had murdered poor Jessica when she refused to serve him drinks. At the hint of a parole, the hotel where the wedding is scheduled, the women staff have been granted 'parole' and asked to not cater to anybody in case they accost Manu Sharma. Even the male bartenders were observing cold-feet, but they were convinced that Manu won't shoot until he is incessantly supplied by liquor. Once he is down and tipsy, barring one bartender to cover for an emergency revival of Manu, others would continue with their normal catering.

When we explained Vinod Sharma what if his son had learnt other ways to murder bartenders since his cell had proximity to criminals who could even kill with their nails, the father was agonized. 'What do you expect of me? Should I then hide every nail, pin, knife, broken-glass etc to avoid a mishap? I have talked to him and says he would keep his own bottle at the wedding and there is thus no need to worry. Now Happy?"

The bride-to-be has given clear sketches of Manu Sharma and warned them not to go near a 'match' in case they don't want to spoil fun. Being a responsible groom, Manu's brother, too, had given instructions to his friends and cousins to keep an eye over Manu. He was chilled to bone when we told him that in case anything happens, he would never have a safe environs in his personal life as 'Tehelka' would always have a microphone embedded somewhere to cleverly record his statements in their pursuit of establishment 'nothing but the truth.'

"Bachchans hinted to name the baby 'Rahul' if Sachin keeps on delaying his 100th ton"

It was probably to encourage Sachin to seriously consider hitting his century of centuries that Bachchan family threatened to name the incoming baby as 'Rahul'- close associates of the family told Faking News.

'Bachchans have been often criticized to stash money and sometimes land while in the process, forgetting to pay their humble duty to the nation', said the source, urging us not to take his name. 'By making such an announcement they have clearly stated that 'Sachin' had been the first choice as baby's name. At the same time, there is an ambiguity that is thrown into fray because, at present, there are two 'Rahuls' dominating the Indian mass mood.'

He was true about the ambiguity. Whether 'Rahul' means 'Dravid-wala' Rahul or 'Gandhi-wala' Rahul- is the question that has refrained the BJP to bang Congress otherwise Chandan Mitra was ready with his speech in which he was to criticize Gandhis for muddling with the privacy of families.

By doing so, Bachchans wanted to be show solidarity with the collective desire of the nation to see Sachin reaching his 100th hundred as soon as possible. 'Aishwarya is too clever. She knows such a christening would help immortalizing his baby as no other batsman can cross the landmark once Sachin gets his moment.'

The Bachchan family could not be contacted to help clear the air but the news has created buzz throughout Bollywood and Cricketing threads in India. News channels were conducting polling giving the options to choose between 'Sachin' and 'Dravid' for the audience to vote for and internet activity is on a sizzling tide since then. While India TV, always looking looking for easy publicity, included a third option distinguishing from the cricketing world. Surprising results started pouring for this third option because the name has a massive popularity which was validated by the absolute success of his last three movies. 

On a separate note: Crowd was lathi charged outside Salman's house when the fans had gheraoed  his house in the evening who had reached to congratulate the actor, possibly allured by the polling results of IndiaTv. 

"Censor Board removed bits of Tusshaar Kapoor instead of 'sensual parts' from Dirty Picture"

When the upcoming movie 'Dirty Picture' was sent to the table of Censor Board to cut the sleaze out of the movie, the producers were shocked to receive the culled prints without the appearance of Tusshar Kapoor except for a minute or two after the interval and a 13 second flash-back near the end.

It was a surprisal for the producers as no scenes which were expected to be found as objectionable were trimmed from the movie. When Vidhya Ballan had set the television screen of fire with her revealing flab, it was almost certain that the scenes of sleaze would be worked out by the Censor's scissor. But not a single scene of erotical finesse were cut.

"What! We are obliged to play a responsible role," explained Leela Samson, chairman of the board, "as we cater to the special clause according to which any content in the form of song, scene, dialogue or visual, if it is reprehensible to the audience and incites their psyche or inspire them to indulge in acts of vandalism or violence, loss to cinema's property or other losses, are to be trimmed and the movie in such case, is toned down as a precaution."

The steam scenes has become a fad and they have proven to not affect the psyche of the masses in any adverse way. But at the same time, the acting abilities of Tusshar Kapoor has been an alarming note for the issue of law and order. There have been antecedents of damage to theater property, first-degree abusive use of language, 'mother-sister' brought into the issue of dissent without any particular reason and other acts of trauma of the young populace who are newly exposed to the cinema and have to bear Tusshar's bolts of bad acting, odd facet and anger-inducing voice.

While the director didn't seem to be perturbed by such a move from Censor Board, the producer Ekta Kapoor, being a sister to Tusshar, expressed his resentment with the decision. Dabbing at her wet eyes, Ekta explained "I love Tushi. Only a fortnight ago I had been cajoling him that he would always find a place in my movies even if all the directors develop diarrhea at the mention of T Kapoor in their movies. Tell me what should I tell my little brother? Who would care for his psyche...ehh?" 

" The 2G accused have formed a mini-cartel to rope in Sunny Deol to fight their case in the court"

When the things were not going the way the 2G accused (Raja, Kanimozhi, Usman Balwa, Siddharatha Behura and others) had wished them to go on behalf of their stashed monies, they have to shift slightly the employment of their resources.

It is now alleged that instead of wasting crores on bringing in lawyers and lawyers and seeking for every possible intellectual advice, the wise accused, in a secret meeting, have decided on a unique strategy. "Yes! Only the lacs will do instead of crores", was the statement of Raja when he was suddenly shaken in his sleep during the proceedings of the court. This sudden outburst flared up new excitement among the lawyers, judges and media alike and attempts were made to go at the root of such an outburst.

Since the diligent Indian media, including Faking News, has a bent to sniff out 'kali daal' where it brews, it took us not long to explore the whole truth. What appalled us was the fact that none other than Sunny Deol ( Puttar-e-Punjab) has been roped in to fight the case of all the accused.

What is speculated is the role of Rajiv Shukla who has some connections rooted in Bollywood, in devising this new strategy. When we laid some thought it was clear to us. The man got the idea form Salakhein in which the brawny deol had shaken the Judiciary by grabbing the neck of a illicit lawyer in court itself. So, instead of legal acumen, some '40-inch daula and 2.5kg-hath' power will do the rounds to scare the judge.

The Deol chap has got the credibility, too. He has always fought for a good cause. Daamini, Sallakhein, Zor etc are seen by lawyers, judges, media alike and that adds to the point that a significant shift is largely expected in the next course of law in 2G scandal.

"Shehjad Rafique who is the director of Salakhein is looked for so as to recall the dialogues and other muscle-effects which are necessary to provide some boost to the otherwise sagging Deol", explained a source who didn't want to be named. "Somebody hinted at Bobby Deol to play the role in absence of big brother; but whoever suggested was beaten to stick-and-stone to have suggested an air of idea." When we tried to prod the source as who beat that man, he skipped in his car but Raja himself was seen to tie some bandages around knuckles and elbows and knees, too. 

The rest would be largely dependent on Sunny Deol if he accepts the offer. Judges, who are to preside have been sent the DVDs of Salakhein and other brutalities of Sunny Deol. So much has been already taken care of and only the fingers are left to be crossed.

" 7 Race Course to be given a catchy name: 'Quite House' "

It has been decided to dub 7 Race Course Rd, New Delhi where the Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has a office to be endowed with a synonymn 'Quite House'.

The PR team of the PMO office has gone on record that though the decision to name it so is yet to be given a final accord, there is no denial of possibility of such a nomenclature.

"If United States can have 'White House' why can't we have a 'Quite House'?" babbled Manish Tiwari, clearly missing the not-so-intrigue hint of irony buried in the name. 

The 'Quite house' if it is proposed, would seem to demand some changes to go with, said a confused Renuka Chaudhari. 'We won't in any case give a gratis opportunity to our rivals to tarnish the image of our PM. It is a careful thought to opt use of such a name as it reflects serenity which our sincere PM is known to maintain. "

As was expected, her 'serene' comment was laughed at by Chandan Mitra, a BJP associate who had his own theory: "This is buying a hatchet for one's own feet for Congress. Already the media wallas seem to have forgotten the actual voice of PM and now this name. In fact, it is now suspected that a couple of times that PM spoke at the national forum, chances are that he could have a soar throat or some other laringitis stuff. If that is the case, there is a possibility that no one has ever heard the actual voice of Manmohan."

This has triggered a reaction among the media houses to whom the PM might have spoken in the past to make a collection of the PM's speeches in case there is a demand from National Treasure Authority to ask for the samples of his voice to be kept in record like the famous Pandit Nehru's speech at the stroke of Independence. 

We, at Faking News, have got some speeches of Mr. Singh but haven't disclosed it yet for the public consumption because already Congress has started framign charges of fraud, tax-evasion, speech-theft, Voice-smuggling of various other media who had boasted to have access to some of those. 

"All the confiscated tapes would be sent to the same Audio-check centres where Vir Sanghvi got his tapes verified from. The truth must be established." was the final update on the UPS's website. It left us in jitters as what would an 'actual authenticate voice sample' of Manmohan Singh would sound like and who would get the balls to obtain that from 'Quite House'.

"Anna Hazare approached by Kingfisher to influence government for the bail-out"

Vijay Mallya is a man that goes in his feisty style to do what is often unexpected. The eve of Friday showed the Beer baron travelling to Ralegaon Siddhi, which happens to be the hometown of anti-graft crusader, Anna Hazare.

What transpired in the cottage house between the two was later transpired by Team Mallya and Faking News were told of the reasons why Vijay Mallya visited the pious man. 'He can do what Government thinks can not be done. He can be the Sarkar himself when Sarkar itself ceases to be. Jai India. Jai Anna.'

While we were categorically told that Anna has decided to lobby for Vijay Mallya provided that he be given a free air-ticket to the Ram Leela Maidan from where he is expected to replicate his incredible feat. Vijay Mallya, when he came out of Anna's house with a cartel of Kingfisher Beer in tow, said "The man is a real Sadhu Sant or whatever. I would have wondered if there is even one man who would reject the offer of incessant beer but Anna ji is a great soul.'

When asked if he really feel the Government would hoop down this time again, Mallya-his hands at bottle opener,- said,"Where were you last time when he pulled that feat? Didn't you see how the man does that? He has caught the nerve of UPA. The half of urchin population may die of hunger but Hazare ji ...no no..the Government has to bow. Amma shodo yar! Lets have some beer."

Mallya, a big heart despite the need of the hour to remain austere, distributed the beer bottles to all the drunkards of Ralegaon Siddhi. 'He is a genius. He knows where to use his resources. The drunkards will pile around Anna ji's house to encourage him to move to his protest front as soon as possile. Mallya ji has promised the town a grand party if Anna can pull out the moolah for the bail-out. By that time, the extra plump of Kingfisher's models and air-hostesses, too, would starve away. The chances are that, when someone would be sent from the Government to terminate the fast, Mallyaji may seek it as a nationalistic opportunity to announce for the betrothal of Deepika and Sidharth. One stone and many preys! That is Mallya for you", expounded the personal secretary of Vijay Mallya.

We were handled half a dozen beer bottles and were asked to promote the issue to the hilt. "OO LA La LA La Ulley lo..Jaldi do ,Paisa Do"- is bound to be the plea-in-lyric in the protest.   

"Lalu Yadav dreamed of his reminiscence of 'Rail Mantri' days"

When Rabri Devi got up in the early morning to do her everyday 'path pooja', she was stupifyed to watch her husband Lalu scrambling on his cot. To what Rabri could make of his pedalling legs and chugging snores was that he had been dreaming his old days when he was a Railway Minister.

"What to tell you Faking News, but he was exposing himself profoundly that even the buffaloes who were tethered near his cot were found to be evading the gaze of his private stuff. The dhoti had been wriggled off the cot and the desi underwear and a singlet was what Lalu was wearing" Rabri confided.

Faking News went to the buffaloes and it was instantly cleared that that the bovine had been shocked and bore a shameful expression of perversity. Babua Bachoo who is the cattle attender of the house went on record saying that the bovine had gone dry for the day. 'There was no milk. Not a drop!'

Lalu Yadac had immediately gone to the party's office and it was Rabri who playfully narrated that her husband often makes the reverberating sounds akin to a moving train often inserting the screechy chugs and regular 'shuk shuk shuk'. Doing this, Rabri said, he would act like a train himself and would start scratching against the cot while moving his hands and pedalling-legs as if to denote a motioning engine. 'He looks cute in his moves, I must add', urged Rabri.

It was only when prodded for more that Rabri told Faking News that Lalu is not aware of his sleeping shenanigans. 'He is a sad soul after having lost in every election since his stint in the Railways. The 'train-shain' has got into his illiterate head. I have asked Sadhu to ask 'Nitish Baba' for a solution.' We. too. were confused with the namesake but later Sadhu made us clear that 'Nitish' she had referred is a local baba who knows the language of such haunting atmas. 'A drop of toddy cooked well in pot at Baba's cot will derail the 'train bhoot'' Sadhu was confident.

Lalu didn't return till the evening and thus we were deprived of the opportunity to personally meet the haunted body as we had to leave for the office. But we didn't fail to wish family a success in their adventures with 'train bhoot' and thrown our own advice that he be asked to sleep with his feet in the direction of West Bengal-if that could help!

Shahrukh Khan eyeing "Chandrayan-2" to promote his next mega-budget movie

The man is never short of promotional ideas. Shahrukh Khan, in a press interview with Faking News has provided some insight into his 'next big thing' which would probably kick the minds and asses of average Indian in 2015. The glittery Khan has announced to promote his 'Dream-Project 2' by organizing a journey to space.

After the moderate success of Ra.One, a miffed Shahrukh felt that it was the misdeeds of his promoters who could not promote the movie like it should have been done. There were reports that people were emerging who had no idea about his upcoming movie and such soul-churning incidents were reported a mere fortnight prior to the release date of Ra.One. 

"The next time," said Shahrukh in the press summon, "I would have all the reigns of promotion. We would start filing applications with the ISRO, the space research organization in-charge of launching Chandraya, as soon as the final shot is oaky-ed. At the same time to avoid any risk of denial form ISRO, we would file petitions in Supreme Court demanding it be given as their fundamental right to promote their movie in which ever way they like. And I know, we will achieve the task in the end. Allah-wali."

When asked about his next venture and whether it would have any relation with 'space adventuring', Shahrukh explained that it would not be any issue if the script has to fit the spaceship modality as the team is looking for added advantages that may result in. Like, he explained, there is every chance to have an encounter with some Alien-masses who could    be the potential customers and thus added fan-base.

Faking News inquired if in case the Aliens are encountered, would they know him as Shahrukh; to which, he quipped "I have already said there is no one in any space or time, who would not know Shahrukh. Also, given the possible fear of attacks from Aliens as was reported by elite IndiaTv, I would take some DVDs of Ra.One and which would make the Aliens realize that Earthly inhabitants are a species not to mess with as they would kick some ass like I did to Ra.One."

Shahrukh is soon to begin shooting for the film once the script is ready. He also announced to donate his Ra.One outfit to none other than Chetan Bhagat so that the bad-ass actor may find some defense the next time he is pounded by Aamir Khan, who is not merely an enemy to Shahrukh but also a friend to Shahrukh's enemy Salman.

"Shakti Kapoor to announce his own Big Boss version as "Big Baddie", soon "

Dejected with his expulsion from the Big Boss season 5, Shakti Kapoor, standing tall to his own image of an illicit debauch, has announced to begin gathering funds for his own version to Big Boss termed as "Big Baddie".

When asked about the reasons for his eviction Shakti began with a jaunty smile and said "Ladies thinks me as a bad guy. They thinks I would sneak into their rooms at night or would do something with the latches of the bathrooms to be opened with a minor push at the peak time. The contestants felt insecure and even the male audience who had suddenly begun to pour, God knows from where, felt that I would make advances to their bodies. Oh ho man! This is too much. Al this has been due to this too much gay-shay things and slut walks"

When Faking News implored the baddie to tell more about his  new show, he asked us to be a bit patient but told us that there won't be any shortage of financiers." Dekho Bhai," he began, "there are many everywhere who want to see just what I was thought I would do. Samjhte ho na kya? And this is the problem, because if I come to my own, then nobody can stop me from my sadistic measures. I was getting so horny a while back that I was about to attain the epic 'see-through-clothes' vardan from my sex guru."

When asked who his sex guru was, he joked and told 'Faking News' that it were we, and we blushed wondering if to take it as a compliment or insult. Shakti told us that there would be sexier women on his 'Big Baddie' and much younger than the ladies/women at Big Boss. I have talked to a couple of financiers like Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and Strauss Kahn and they have told me that go with fresh talent and that I don't need to bother about money."

He didn't say much when asked if any of these financiers would be at the show as contestants but definitely told us that he, himself, the Big Baddie of Bollywood and pan Indian debauch would be there, lolling with the girls in no-holds-limit. When put would that sully his image more, he was quick to add, "I will just try to be myself" and finished with his signature remark Samajhte Nahi Ho Yarrr!

There is a buzz everywhere and Big Boss knows well that if Shakti finds his way, it would hits its show badly. They have even tried to call Shakti back into the show so that he would give up his idea of Big Baddie. But, Shakti rebuffed and with a grin added: "It is too late now. I am finally on my own. My sex guru has asked me to go ahead. So, Sorry, and I promise you would have fun too."

"Harbhajan Singh, out-of-team and barred-from-home, sleeps in his Hummer"

It was when the Faking News could not trace Bhajji and the black giant in his Jalandhar house that we smelt some rat in the situation. Harbhajan has been missing in action lately and Faking News had gone to find if the guy is hitting the field ferociously to make a glittery comeback.

When we were not allowed in the house there was a gang of marble-players who informed us that Bhajji's parents didn't allow him in the house ever since he has been dropped from the national team. "There was a brawl," said an excited urchin, who confessed he would not copy Bhaji's bowling action for his daily play-offs beside the city pond, " and his mother, in the company of his visiting sister and brother-in-law, asked Bhajji to leave the house and not to return until he gets back his form."

Bhajji, playing mischief as usual, arranged for the keys of the Hummer through the pilfering aid of house-maid Pav (form the old friendship: 'Pav-Bhajji') and went off straight to PCA stadia, Mohali to begin practicing relentlessly. While entering into the territory of Chandigarh, unfortunately, the same policeman who had earlier gave the ticket to Bhajji for the disarrayed number-plate, accosted him. But Bhajji was broken enough and pleaded "Na Bai ji, leave me this time. Please. I don't have the means to play the challan. Please Bai ji, Rabb will do some 'bhala' for you" It is yet to be seen, what 'bhala' would Rabb bestow to the benevolent policeman, who in the wistful eyes of otherwise arrogant Bhajji, found his own struggle of burdensome metricualtion days.

Bhajji practices a lot and at the end of the day, with no money to afford the costly Taj Hotel, prefers the laid-backness of his spacial Hummer seats. It is purported that he receives just one call from Geeta Basra, who has tried to send him some money via Western Union but Bhajji is decisive in his stand. Last night, the gatekeeper at PCA heard him saying "I will fine Geeta. I have an account at PCA and needs no more nothing but the food to survive. Let me repent, my love. Once I appeal to that shoddy Selection Committee and am back in the team, we would declare the date of marriage. Night! "

Geeta, the responsible lover, tried to contact her mother-in-law-to be but could not set the connection through. Meanwhile, the effort of the sprighty Sardar continues and is soon to show some results. The next time that southpaw comes to practice here, I will get his a** on the first delivery. You will see!" averred Bhajji, revolving the ball over his gruffy finger tips. Though we tried to push him to make the name of southpaw explicit which he denied in his sneers but it was a no-brainer to note that he was alluding to Yuvraj Singh.

"Rakhi Sawant to have gone nude if Gadafi wasn't killed"

The disclosure came from Rakhi herself, when she was about to put a large red cherry into her gargantuan gate of lips, while shooting for a lipstick ad.

Rakhi said, " I was reading English newspapers over the last few days to be in a better position to speak a morsel of the mystery-language when I noticed a consistent trend in the news bars. A man with a bad face appeared regularly and there would be a word 'Gafadi' written to support the pic.''

 

FK journalist didn't corrected her 'Gafadi' for 'Gadafi' but let her open her gates. She explained how she felt terrible when I saw the person by the same face killed; the reportage was being shown on the television. When 'Gafadi' popped up, I knew what it laid in store. I thought of a stunt and that was that."

Outspoken and truthful, she knows that the readers would fall for anything. After concluding her plan to us, she began smiling as if expressing the intrigue involved in her plan. The craters of lips vibrating madly, only to have the make-up boy coming in the picture with a grunt "Madam, we have sacrificed two cartridges of lipsticks for your lips' expanse. Please keep the laughter to yourself till the shoot if okayed." She closed her gates displaying her work ethics.

When she had gone, the director of the shoot took some time to vent his own anger at her and spoke "She thinks herself as a queen. With a face so bitched-up and the tantrums so BC-inviting, she still thinks that bachas had smutty dreams since those words of 'going nude' poured out of her China-mouth. I am ordered to focus less on her lips and more on something else-you know where--and that would be enough."

He left with his words of wisdom. The team of Faking News suddenly was happiest  ever to have seen with our own eyes, the videos of Gadafi's murder and heaved a sigh. 

Faking News office at 420 Fakeland, Fakeerpur looted by 'Ram Sene'

It was a tragic incident when a dozen workers of dedicated Ram Sena, in their fuming movies attacked the Faking News office yesterday. The office was located at 14th floor at Fakeland building in Fakeerpur.

The security cameras at the entrance of the building showed them moving into the premises. They were shown carrying the guns and pistols, which are allegedly from the Chinese stock that was discarded and about which Faking News had diligently reported. The man leading the group has been identified as Adnani, who had annointed his miniscule forehead with a large vermilion banana-shaped mark. Though we are in deep pain, yet to press the giggles is getting uncontrollable, because he was really very funny. The ten seconds visage could have easily generated the gags worth five Rascals.

When the group found that the life was unoperational, their anger seethed and in a frenzy, they began to climb the stairs. Before that, they used illicit words like MC and BC in frustration which despite the poor quality of the camera, are easily audible. They, the dozen as one Ram force, were climbing quickly to burn the Ravan of a Faking News. 

After fifteen minutes of ascent, when they could not find the office, they were uncontrollably bursting. On the fourteenth floor, they had spread everywhere and checked for even the loos but the plank of number '420' was nowhere to be seen. Purportedly, there ensued an infight and the informer Chindi was beaten by his own gang black and blue. Chindi, being a erotic soul, was aware of the handling of girls at the hands of such Sene-esque organizations. He had come up with his malafide intentions but there was no breathing soul apart from the regularly maddening gang members.

The trecherous gang, when they could not find the office stood in a line to attend ..what? -their natural call. In the frenzy, nobody had cared to defecate in the morning in their respective houses and nobody had ever seen such sanitation in any loos as was available with 14th floor loos. There was an appreciation of their orderliness when they stood in line with the only exception that Adnani, being senior and senile, was shown the courtesy to be the first defecator. 

After that, they retreated and made the spurious claim: "Faking News has been destroyed. The blasphemy has been won over. Jai Shree Ram. Sare bolo ab...Jai Shree Ram."

In the goof-up, they could not even realize that the journalists they were conveying to were from the very Faking News they were pressing to have destroyed. We could only presume that they were unable, in their illiterate capacity, to successfully expand the initials "FK" which was shining on the mikes. Not to provide any doubt and also to divert the laughter, the journalist, too, shouted "Jai shree Ram". 

India, soon to start its chain of overseas wins, too.

So far, The Team India has been tainted as 'Lion-at-Land', a title which it has blissfully accepted. Though there have been certain intentions of skipper Mahender Singh Dhoni to shed off this title a couple of times when India had neared itself to an overseas series-win, the things could not be wrapped up. But cheers guys! Not anymore.

When Dr. Mohammad Ghazni, the psychiatrist of lustrous Indian team was accosted by the Faking News journalists outside his lab, he was exaggeratedly jubilant. His hairs had stood up at ends and he was dribbling at mouth. It appeared to us, as if , he had treated himself in some bout of a 'trip'. But we are not ashamed to confess that we were in the wrong.

Dr. Ghazni has finally found the reason of the matches wasted overseas and it, as he himself said in shame, was all with their psyche. "Yes!," he began the explanation, " the boys have felt Indians when in India and Aliens when elsewhere. Oh my god! Poor me, how simple was the logic and I missed it." 

But before we could ridicule him to have gone mad with poor performance of the team and were about to pass it on to Inida-Tv to push down the gullet of every cricket lover, Ghazni interrupted us, almost pulling the collar of journalist Ghamkhar. Dr. Ghazni then explained his therapy to us and it made good sense.

Dr. Ghazni said "See, I know the only vibe that would have helped them to strive for an overseas win was to feel Indians outside. That is to say, it is going to be possible soon." And then Dr.Ghazni finally enlightened us, saying "Everybody is going to foreign lands. Australia, Newzealand, England, Africa-- Indians are swarming everywhere. with Punjabis and Gujaratis leading the support base, and with their first generational Maasis, Chaachis and Taayis already deep-rooted in foreign lands, we can easily see that phenomena happening. And with their fetish to provide attendance at the cricketing grounds, they would generate that much needed psychosis: 'India, away from India'. Samjhe" He ended with a Hurrahh..which looked like a Punjabi 'Burraahh'.

Thus, if everything goes as per the psychiatrist, not only the Team India would be the cricketing-glitter forever, but also, the Indianization of the world would begin like a jungle fire. Punjabis and Gujaratis, are easily expected to enhance their existing piles to show their national inclinations. The only hitch would be that the age-long, trusted and fairy-tale excuse of every captain-cap so far would be busted in which they had put all the onus the bounce and odd-behaving pitches of Overseas.