O World! You lovely traitor-ed, die with me...

An urge is buried in my heart,
that rankles me, vie with me...
O world! Such is the pain..
Please! Die with me..

She went away, far away..
I had always have her be..
But one wish does a Love have..
To shame the love in her eye..
But clever she never looked at me..
My insulted eye..Cry with me.

This sharp memory would crush me..
with pikes and pricks of old love..
Like a jilted belle, it hovers in head..
no place to hide but by being dead..
A world full of shrewd Love..
ought not to sully the Loves..
Sob! Sob! and lie with me...
Thou lovely traitor-ed...
Smile! Die with me.

"Some vivid pre-cognitive predictions about Indian IT that went wrong."

The recent figures of BPO segment's revenues at 15 billion U.S dollars seems to have shaken up the rhetoric of certain masters in the similar business. Just an year ago, there were many who had been predicting that Indian IT would suffer a lot and BPO segment would face a bolt from the changing attitude of cash provider--the 'honorable' West.

To be fair, there were many signs about the possible plummeting of the ITES and BPO sector. The reasons being the increasing prices to maintain and manage operations in India, availability of alternate options in the form of Pakistan, China, Bangladesh and of course Philippines and Vietnam. There were talks about discussions factoring in the rising rupee which was making India less attractive. For example: if an Indian manager was to be paid Rs. 30k (750 US dollars) the companies could pay the same amount of Pakistani Rs. 30k (350 US dollars approx)--and I hope you got the drift. Also, the fall was substantiated by certain companies actually taking their call centers off India because of price for operations.

I believe that there are several possible reasons of the busting of all those predictions. One that is obvious is the more companies who had been out-sourcing their operations which could have led to increase of revenues.( The BPO segment revenues had been about U.S dollars 14 billion in 2010-2011.) There has been a flux of new names who had chosen India to outsource their service work. This can also be understood form the basic demand-supply analysis as was clear from the notion of ITES companies like Infosys, TCS, Wipro who had consistently hired new students fresh from college. Had there been no demand for new recruits, the companies would have reflected in their HR reports.

Then the important factor is Indian companies realizing the importance of competitive advantage over other budding nations in IT department. The Indian IT companies have added new features in their offerings bettering their cost attributes and also building upon marketing their services to the First World in a brilliant way. Nandan Nilekani has always stressed that we also need to market our offerings and that merely sitting like geek-ducks won't serve the future growth curves. Efficiencies on all levels and at all scales possible has been the grappling point for Indian ITES and they have done tremendously well.

This--because the IT soothsayers too have a job of a kind--would make the fellows who like to predict to do so in a way as to factor in these two crucial things. Anyways, Indian entrepreneurs and managers  who are hands-on on IT tasks all the time are quite sanguine that the growth would continue if the global economic trend continues in the bad shape. (Joke in IT sections is for those who had move out and are to begin again with raised wages and other fixed costs.)

I would certainly say that the companies who are outsourcing are not to find the talent similar in scope and scale as in India anywhere else. Government, knowing that the biggest absorber of new graduates is IT sector have openly showed eagerness to dole out special incentives to such companies even in SEZs, free import of goods and services, excise CST and tax exemptions. It would be a shame, though, for the government to adopt this monolithic approach and not work for making other sectors--esp the farming, manufacturing, textiles--alluring for new investments.

"Going down the way of little 'unities' "

One of my little repines has been to hate the guy who once said "unity is strength." Not because it never turned out to be true but because there wasn't a thing he said which he should have, about the context behind that. So, we have--were we to talk only about India-- this mired purlieu where we have several little 'unities' that is destructuring India in worst possible way possible. The little unties of Dalits, Brahmins, Schedules Tribes, Ramghadias, Mazhabis and the list is as long as the cantankerous guts might allow.

These are still unties because they are untied--by faith, or by down-troddenness, lack of opportunities, discrimination etc etc. They have got a cause to unite and be a voice. It is often said that a voice can only be as strong as the cause it might be talking about. No doubt, we had the largest single united voice for the cause of Independence. In fact, it is a shame for us that what was the expected beginning for a new era of blooming generations was actually considered a terminal moment for the repressive, colonial past. So exalted we felt because of an achievement of large scale that we never realized, first-the importance of factors that led to that cause namely our courage, commitment and resolution working for the assimilation of a untied front against British; second, we didn't realize how important it was to stay united and continue with our work towards a prosperous India and not failing to do so by choosing instead to break down UNITY into several insignificant fooled version of little and pathetic unities and that VOICE was hewn and mangled at the chopping board of our wretched bias, prejudice and self-importance to be rendered as pieces of little 'voices.'

These voices are mere cries and whinnies now. They can't be substantiated on anything and would very soon fail to have even a convincing push-point on anything. We have been witnessing such things as these voices still get more and more narrow, with no mentors and sincere leadership. Individuals are expected to give shape to societies so that it can be a tool to build communities and administration forces to run the country. Sadly but, we have seen a terrible collapse of society into individualism in its worst form in which it ridicules itself by weltering in self-importance, arbitrariness, sham self-interest, frindlilessness, pettiness, and me-mine-myown wretchedness. And aah! the dire need to compare ourselves--sometimes with modernistic trends of west, soemtimes going back into medieval times of Guptas, Budhas--and never in the showcase of attempt to be ourselves, Indians who can take pride in collegiality and sharing and camaraderie and sympathy for each other. 

" .... "

"Kuch lamhe zindagi ke ...
 kisi benaam kavita jaise hote hai.
 na to naam le pate hai koi..
 na kabhi yaadon se ja pate hai...."

" Ik chota sa hi to safar hai zindagi..
  kat jayegi...kat jayegi...
  mitti se mast hai teri hasti mauji..
  mit jayegi...mit jayegi.."

" sahare ki aas par ik farmaan hai..
  sun lena, yad rakhna..
  ke mushkil me koi akela nhi hota..
  besahare ko besahare ka sahara...
  kisi bhi sahare se kam nhi hota.."

" aj dhool c lagi hai ankhon par..
  raah hai jo muh dekh rha mera..
  chalna mujhe hai par nazar saaf nhi..
  rasta na ho ye akhri safar mera.."

" khair chalna hai to chalna hai..
  raston se bhi kyi rishte hote hai..
  pag-dandi ik bhi na ho par kuch raste..
  kisi benaam kavita jaise hote hai..
  na manzil ko taraste hai..
  na kabhi 'naam' ko rote hai.." 

"Little air to breath.."

So often it seems that the air has thinned...
Thinned; and robbed of its flavor..
Why? Didn't you feel the same..

The breathing was easy in littlehood...
very happily would the wind carry..
innocuous jokes, friendly bantering..
the fragrance of protection was there though unadmired...

Now, there is a miasma of offense..
less and less words have thinned the air..
there can be so waves as such..
no 'expression' to put my death-wish,
I would die, without choice..
In : "little air to breath."

"The widening gap of media and journalism.."

We now feel so much mellowed over the conversations of media being a 'corporate lolly.' So much so that the phrase seem to be deserving of the most reflective cliches of the nation's psyche. The issues that erupt ever now and then like the pesky wayward weeds after the moisture of weather, take on media as a prominently growing platform for paid bits with extra effort in moolah to smarmily call them 'news.'

This has been accepted by the t.v journalists --while some also have the extra smugness calling them as 'video journalists'--themselves which is an etching thing for this pillar of democracy. It is a shame that journalists themselves talk in dismissiveness of each other as such a print journalist would call a t.v anchor as some coiffed 'cutesy' (mirthfully applicable for both men and women) with affected glibness while the t.v journalists poking fun at the print journalists calling them as hacks or ill-informed or less-resourced. In the mire, if anything is degraded it is the institution itself and if anybody innocently laughs, it would be the people.

Often, every media house of any nature print, radio or t.v would try to raise the bar for itself asking for a collective journalistic effort to 'introspect.' There have been those who have rebuffed each other making allusive remarks or gesturing subtly about the channels like India T.V, Zee News and the likes where the flavor is sensationalism. The point of mootness would be to reflect that while making such efforts to denigrate their lesser counterparts, the mainstream media dilutes itself in terms of credulity, posturing like a femme. IT IS RIDICULOUS. The audience of good channels would always know why they are 'good' and what happens at other panels. They need not be reminded certainly not that it be informed to them, as they know it much better having the special privileged (verily so without any bias of sort) to sit on couch with an open mind and zap on the remote. Why the stooping then? Barkhas and Deeps, discard these petty allusions. (You are the most we have so far and as per the referendum figures, if there are any, the standards need be improved by grave margins.)

For Barkhas and Deeps: The audience is always wise to know what would suit them or their appetite for news. Nobody would hog India TV when there is an attack on the national security and people expectably wish to know about the real time ruckus happening. You can not impress them by idiotic posturing and cheaply sly references as if you have dodged the lesser to make a point to the intelligent. That is so egotistic and best be avoided. There should be concerns about how--given that there is a controlling monarch with deep pockets from where would outpour the funds for running of channel-- to tell the truth convincingly in plain words. The boldness would be intimidating, as it has always been in the history, for those who would vulgarly wish to have a little reign over it. They won't have the same credibility without you and would not in any case will to loose the face they have so laboriously built. The advertising rates for popular t.v shows on news media is an ample proof that the marketers are more wiser than you or your bosses. Please would some wads of relief into this widening gap of accidental media and injured journalism.

"Sachin--an absolute fit for Rajya Sabha"

It is a moot point to think whether Sachin should have been nominated for the Upper House of Rajya Sabha. There are so many disputations about it: whether it means a prelude to his fizzling out career or an indication of it, whether this would divest of the achievements he had made on the field of cricket in any way, whether he really should be opting it despite the nomination, will he be able to attend it, while attending performing in it and off it on the field and so on. I personally feel that it can only amount to some good being done for the nation.

Before defending, first of all it is the privileged discretion of the President of India to nominate certain members to the Rajya Sabha. The nominees in the past have been the prominent people from all walks of life be it sports, drama, films, theater, media etc and there can be no cribbing on whether Sachin should have been appointed or not. This question dies because it didn't matter whether he willed it or not, the privilege was with the President and she used it, wisely as I feel.

Important point is that this would in a good extent mild the cynicism that every Indian heart reserves for the Politicians. Sachin would--tell me if I am just wishing--at least have many people take serious note of politics if not policy framing and the importance it behooves for the general good of the nation. This is the point (the only point in fact) which I wished to argue before picking on the keyboard was to begin. May be there are those who would seek to watch the debate in Rajya Sabha for the mere intention to see their idol (if not God) sitting among the whites in the house. No need to say there would be some respect for the institutional framework at that moment even though the benches had been willing for the same since decades now. And of course, there would be the cameras standing outside the house asking (I know each and every time) the opinion of Sachin Tendulkar about the course of the debate or decision that might have undergone therein. I am sure that Sachin's point, however amateurish that might be, would be in sync with millions around. His presence would make the upper house all the more glamorous. So far I have totally discarded Sachin's involvement in any special way for the policy making. Those who say that Sachin would be a certified dud at that have no reason to make such wild assumptions--at least not until they have seen him perform at this field, too.

Then the media of course would be paying too much attention to the episodic bouts of Rajya Sabha also. They have always stayed away form the old walls of the Houses, but I believe that they would at least have one cameraman and a reporter from each channel to cover up his visit. At times,, there is every chance to believe that subsidiary matters of importance will also get the glare and if God wills, also to the ears and minds of listeners. Seeing him as a 'politician' others --particularly the youth--might have the ambition for the positions of the Parliament. At least those who do not want to wear the white kurta would have to think twice before they start with their cynicism, abstention, indifference, ignorance, or repugnance because a great sportsman has chose the same path. Incurable optimistic that I am, I would even delve in a special thought to imagine Sachin's love for this new game for I am sure that if anybody can turn out his love so brilliantly as to make a name in the field of that 'love', it would be Sachin. So I hope that he LOVES politics a lot to make a good score.

"Social Media-a cog of wheel of Common World Culture"

Social Media is just irresistible. It is uncontrollable, unbriddled any force whatsoever known to man. This is the big beast that has been the subject of maximum media and consumer focus since the onset of this millennium. Laws of different countries have tried to wet their hands trying to make a sense of this beast in their legal framework but there has been a recorded 'mockery' of all such attempts. We are projected to several debates day in and out about the relevance irrelevance of it, or advantages disadvantages of it, but even the brilliant of intellectuals --including the mavens in the field--have raised up their hands in defeat. Time has come to not see it as some influence coming from outside. Here is what I call it: Common Culture of the World.

It would be more wise if we start seeing it as different from what out senses have so far perceived. To classify it as just Facebook, Twitter, Youtube would be a big fallacy and any attempt in doing that would defy the assertions made so far because then social media could be curbed by blocking all of similar sites. That a new virtual pulpit is created at the click of the mouse is an indication of its influence and is often magnified by accouterments by the effects of graphics or background scores etc. The name 'social media' itself has an allusion to the society and in a loose way it is the society's media. But here is the catch: there is no definition for this society, no culture to which its mores might belong and no confined reach either geographically or demographically. It is because it belongs to the world--that the whole 'world' is the society and culture, too, is that which belongs to the world.

One update in a tiny basement is available to the remotest corner almost instantly. Communities, groups and channels are more integrated and conversant than even the actual pieces. There is no applicable law because there is no territorial jurisprudence that may apply to it. If China bans a site that doesn't mean that the computers in China can't access it--may be the proxy satellites from other nations can direct the site packets in China. It is absurd to even think about blocking or curbing the nutrition of it. Block the computers and you would have mobiles with increased convenience of use and to begin heralding again. There can't be a terminus to it, accept that first. It is like this world culture will not in any case have any Book of Indoctrination of any kind. It is not that I am giving social media the holier colors of any religion, what I mean to say is that if you want to treat it as a religion don't go looking for any SCRIPTURE for it.

Everybody can be the contributor in this sea of information. Eqypt's clashes, China's fervors have shown it all. It is high time that we realize its importance in our life; also not to miss the potential dangers. (I won't go into any of these) It is high time that we are not confused by its force--what it has done and is much more capable to do more, influence ranging and transcending boundaries, oceans and all symbolism of shackles/hindrances. It is faster than the fire, mightier than the mountains, awakened all the time round the clock, in rain ruin spring. It is a culture of very unique kind and is bound to participate more in our lives, important decisions. Its bits and bytes are little memes that tend to define its mores and commandments though they can't be packed and tagged. Opinions and counter-opinions sail in the sea and everyone can sail along with them or may wish to paraglide. The choice is all yours as it is full of choices. Respect it. Expect more. (If you name it religion, you can't not be an atheist which probably is the only injunction that would inevitable come along.)

"The Political sleaze"

That Abhishek Manu Singhvi, the Congress Party's spokesman was shown in an alleged sex-tape with a female lawyer possibly, as the rumors ripe each second, asking for a helping hand in the judgeship. The shrewd minister, known for his quick wit and intelligence has desperately tried all he could--from Court's injunction against media showing, discussing and inviting panels on the issue of the tape--to put curbs on the dissemination of the video. But the internet forums, particularly the Youtube, has proven to be too subtle and nubile to defeat the minister on his own turf by defying all the legal injunctions.

Several versions of video have gone viral and removed after many hits only to be uploaded again somewhere else---the bosom of internet allowing all the accoutrement for it to be done. I am sure that Mr. Singhvi has never had worst bursts of sleeplessness all his years including that of the heavy responsibility of preparing the mammoth 'Lokpal' bill. 

Coming to the larger question: Should a person be allowed to do such escapades? There is no obligation of any kind that might have barred him for doing so and he, being a lawyer, should have known it better. But the issue is not just what was acceptable and rightfully confined to any individual in his private space. Even if the girl was a harlot, Singhvi would have blabbered the arguments of 'mutual consent.' Here is the drift: Should a politician be allowed that?--and there is no easy affirmative for this. Because a politician has to be seen with an image that he might have drawn from along the people and then build upon that. It is a commonplace thing for politicians to appeal to the emotions of the people. India, largely a conservative society, expect its politicians to behave being a part of social mores which form a social fabric that is generally accepted by all and sundry. Adultery and such sexcapades are sure to bring bad light and is tantamount to play with the sensibilities of people. Manu Singhvi, himself has made similar arguments in several debates he had participated in--about the BJP members watching porn in assembly to begin with. (The scenario would come over its heels in Singhvi's case for he is alleged to indulge in sexual gratifications inside the chambers of Supreme Court which is an institution touted more than any other)

The argument of hypocrisy cripples Manu Sighvi and the Congress even more. It was observed by some of the writers that Congress had not overly reacted to BJP MLAs watching porn because it had always known the likeminds which Congress itself could never afford to unhave totally. There was always a looming fear that some Congressmen might be caught in similar objectionable conduct soon enough if shouted more and that is exactly what has happened. (a Tweet was so much to say that it is a revenge of BJP upon Congress and the game may either discontinue in the wake of mutual loss or may advance in case one party is more to gain than the other) This is also corroborative of the claim made by the uploader of the video that there might be more such confiding and disclosure to follow.

It would be interesting to see how media--largely being pro-Congress--would react once the issue is raddled enough to be discussed on the panels of the television. I can't say much about the new sex-perks coming up, but there is little or no doubt about the following: It is Mr. Singhvi and not any concocted baldy bobbing his head wantonly, that media has again showed that it is biased enough to let the consumer not to be undoubtful and lastly the fact that all politicians would lose their presumptive moral points, if any such points had been there. The statement of Om Puri in his next dissertation from pulpits might be: "Ye Sare Neta Ladki-baaz hai, Sale."

"Little Satans..."

Here the mind isn't free...
Very so dies the ambition of a great poet.

Here the rights of Freedom are in shackles...
Prisoning thus, the idea of that brave stout soldier.

Neither is Love here, nor is Hate impure...
Stale lies the confused audience of the people.

Death dances to multi-tunes...
Life writes for itself an impressive elegy.

What God can we all claim...
When we are in our deep hearts, little Satans.

"The craze of DIDI Mamata"

Trinamool Congress in under fire again for asking Facebook US to drop down the content that see DIDI in defamation. This has been building on the bad after a series of episodes --from calling rape as a political weapon adopted by CPM to imprison the professor of Microbiology in a supposedly false implication--and are likely to see more in the future.

The defenders of DIDI have proclaimed several arguments ranging from the in-cognizance of Mamata about most of these frame-ups to attempting watering down the fire of whole issue by merely recalling Mamata's launch of cartoonistic books a few years ago. The point is if she is the real defender of faith then she should have come to the rescue of those who are made to bear the brunt of her violently smug supporters. She is not only seen making staunch statements from the podiums but also, while doing so, is fanning more fire with her comments--referring to the word 'cyber' as one of the critical internal security bug. Instead, what would be more awe-aspiring (and I mean it in literal sense) is the use or preparation to use the official hand of State machinery to actually curb the 'post' button on blogging, or 'update' on Facebook. (That Indian IT still maintains a Blasphemy rule is a topic the threads of which would be spun some other time.)

"She is a woman in the political space that had never seen woman to the stature she has acquired with her hard work at grassroots," said one of her party member. Does this help when we reflect the kind of insensitivity she displayed while making off the cuff comments about the rape of a girl tagging it as CPM gimmick to defame her and her government. So often has she herself and her supporters made a similar point that to anyone out of the purview of Bengal (or even in Bengal) there is a remoteness being observed of the TMC and the people of West Bengal as if the former is some rigid teacher who is hell bent to doom the students in their exam while the teacher herself is morosely claiming the 'guard nature' as otherwise.

The right to protest is a part of free speech(ah! the totemic freedom !) in India. What lays out the irony in wide is when it is adjudged that Mamata herself had used her free-speech as a mean and measure of protest for several years. In a minimal effect, if all the overhaul of 'red' can be narrowed down, it could be done in allowance of speechifying and dissertations of Mamata from all across the West Bengal--under lights, amidst mud or while stalled in gunk; and as if in a converse, she took no time to stop such practices as soon as the first hand in protest raises. Similarly, when Mamata was cribbing in the shelter of her aggressively pacing sari toward Delhi about the row over the issue of Federal transgressing in the power realm of the State in case of Wal-mart and recently about NCTC, isn't that appear to be in accordance with her attitude now.

About her comments that the 'mind' should be applied to something meaningful, one can easily counter that by saying that when an artist uses his freedom to scribble and doodle, it is easily his best of mind. What can rather be mystifying would be to see a state Chief Minsiter unnecessarily applying her mind and experiencing anguishes over these petty things.

Facebook is a platform that allows a certain steps to be followed if one wishes to register a complaint--say, for the sake of argument--against anybody bent to defame, use libel against any user. But what the hell has it anything to do with State Government which--if it wishes to complain--need to have a Facebook account and then register a request against anyone who writes slanderous things on its timeline. It is almost absurd to watch a State Government picking up arms against the plethora of Facebook users in a puerile way of expressing peeve.

A positive thing that has emerged is the discussion about 'sense of humor' 'thick-thin skinned debate' 'tolerance intolerance'--all of which are much more vibrant than what we have recently seen because of the personalization of these through the epic figure of DIDI. It is suddenly very much easy to relate to all these discussions in a serious yet humor-sustaining way. And secondly, the TMC speakers won't be able to hog too much of the camera light as they had done for the past few months almost behaving like a small autocratic fangers for the others particularly the Central Government. It was so unfortunate that there was almost a narrative being established via the constant media bickering that if anyone could have the cojones to snap Center at its heels, it was Mamata and her TMC. No more of that hot air in the flared up nostrils.

"A girl that ought to be......"

There is a repetition of circle of a self-pity every time a baby girl is found discarded or in more unpopular events abjectly killed. I have tried in my attempts to penetrate the psychology of such a cranium that allows for the commissioning of such a horrible act and each time I find that it is impossible to do so. The mind can't act in such a situation as when a parent has to decide whether he or she should bring up the baby girl. But still the act is performed perhaps remorsefully. This is precisely because the mind is already equipped with the idea of a killing. That one must kill the baby if it turns out a girl this time, too--the mind is prepared in advance and has scenes of administrating the act. Most of the times it is the dumping of the new born at a forlorn place like bus stand, pan wala's shop, empty bench at a station or in the pipe of a sewer being dug out by the city municipality.

The psychology, though, seem to show that in the cases when the baby girl is not murdered or thrown into flowing water, and is found in a miserable condition nonetheless, there can be assumed (or possibly assumed) an inclination of the parent that the girl be found by some one sooner enough to keep the life beats thumping. A tragic case in Punjab a few years ago saw a man who had dumped his third consecutive daughter in the pit of a sewerage and instead of running away, stayed in he safe shelter of the dark a few yards away beside a trolley. An elderly woman who was strolling on the roof of a nearby house saw the man approaching the pit every few minutes as if to ascertain that the baby was still alive. The cruel father was waiting for someone to hear the cries of the baby and pick her up to fetch her to a hospital. This, as can be assumed, would have given him a satisfaction that he was not that much guilty (perhaps) and that his girl didn't die.

What interests me is the state of mind of such a man. This is because if we can push the campaign of social education slightly more we can easily reach the verge to not let such cases happen. The man didn't know which side of mind to choose at that crucial time, struggling constantly between the reluctant desire to leave the child there in the dump and pick her up in the same swaddle he might have had brought. Had there been more awareness it would-or I think--have been easy for him to choose the moral option available in the exigently imploding mind of his.

This 'A girl that must not be...' fixation should be uprooted from such psychic minds. The doctors must have to know the history of the visiting couples. It is that often the clinics for the second or subsequent deliveries for a couple is same and in such case it is imperative for the gynecologist or who help in delivery of a mother to be wary of the outcome. A mere hint in the eye of the father (or also that of mother) I believe is enough to be dubious about the possible warps that may follow. So it is the responsibility of the doctors too that they be alert in such case.

I would end by saying that the same man who dumped his daughter in the sewer pit is a proud father of three daughters and a boy. He was identified by that lady strolling on the roof and the baby (picked by a rickshawala) was timely saved after being put on respirators. The man was not allowed to have possession of the baby for two months and he had to convince the local bodies after shaming himself and his wife in front of the local civic body that dealt with such cases. He and his wife were educated about the wretchedness of such acts of killing and they, I believe, would soon start saying themselves as proud parents of their off-springs.

"Decadence of Indoctrination"

The whizzing though of a child under the trauma of 'indoctrination' of any kind is a much pathetic thought. It corrodes the soul for a few minutes to think that the innocent is made to bear all the spikes of else's rudimentariness--all under the beatific will of parents. What a shame on the soft society to allow that!

Children should be free assimilators at all fronts. You can't start their education with concepts of indoctrination which has no scientific validity of any kind. It is ridiculous to impose your own hard fancy over your child. The whole mechanism forces a picture of a bud being pressurized to develop into a particular kind of flower. Such a thought is morally corrupt by any measure of mores. 

"A dream which showcases a society free of formulations of any kind, is a dream worth a nap."

The cribber 'Javed Akhtar'

I have had great respect for this prolific poet cum lyricist. He is a brilliant muslim and epitome of boldness and sometimes also of good thought. But I was surprised at his rather parochial attitude towards Shahrukh's so called 'detention' at one of the lesser known airports in the state of New York. He was--not to mince words--stupid on the topic as I heard him filibustering.

Here is the thing: While Javed clearly had the 'elite' argument first, he cleverly shifted his argument toward 'immediacy of search' argument. Expanding on this: Javed said in his first few liens that Shahruk should not have been detained because of his superstar status because (please read'because' in conjunction) to have him known would have been an easy task, just a click of button away for the security professional. Point fine taken. But over his penultimate lines, he shifts (because there was a realization that he had bickered more for 'VVIP' treatment for elite, known, famous Indian VVIPs) so much so as to call the whole matter a simple element of 'poor web search.'

Let me be the security guy who undertook the search or frisk: I checked at the computer who Shahrukh is. I can't go by what is written on the wiki pages or other articles by media. Does it in any way mean that I should discontinue my further interrogation because I had the initial doubt for him. Let me even drag 'Khan' into this for which I would say that, very unfortunately, we have to admit that there is a instinctive bias against Muslims among the American security and the bias extends towards other South Asians (India, Pakistan etc) Can we do anything to eliminate that bias. No! Also, we have to go by the track record of U.S security after the 9/11 attacks as they have made their borders very secure, to which they,as a soverign nation, have right to do so.

Also, it is important to understand how the system of police in a nation works. The American officers are often targeted to have 'names' for each kind of criminal they seek for. Terrorists of different religion have been given code names of all kinds. Policemen are trained in such a way as to be extra precautious with certain sir-names. All these and many other so called 'biases' are on the record as the American security agencies are in no way ashamed of. Call them whatever you want: Racists, Hypochodnriacs or whatever--the thing is they have every right to be whatever they have chosen for themselves. The matter be left with them.

We, on the other hand, must choose not to pick on the baseless comments from a great writer. (May be in a better imaginative mood if he writes about patriotism centered for the nation he could understand.) We must introspect ourselves and see where we lack. We can have similar system as theirs' and subject their citizens to selfsame checks and frisking. While in this case, we have a very bad track record of Mumbai attacks, sea0side criminals form international waters, loopholes in the homeland security, corruption and breaches in the security covers, we can't just shrug off our responsibilty by simply trying or seeming to try dictating lessons to a 'safe' nation.To offer a food for thought, imagine India adopting security checks so stringent that nobody is allowed to pass by without frisking despite that it takes an extra half an hour from the traveler's life on that day, and brings about a change that all the intruders are caught at the security lines, leading to no attacks on our people and in the wake assuring a safety for the sons of soil--I personally would not mind such a stringent system at the cost of losing that half an hour and instead gaining a precious life of a soldier, child or a commoner.

PS: For Javed: write a poem mocking the Indian system of security instead and quill a few lines in solidarity to those who lost their innocent lives; and I would keep loving you and your work.

Let us play 'India Pakistan"

We have to make the title as a game to be played by the politicians and media and let the people see from grandstands the on-goings. The game can be such that there are no rules expect that the diplomats should keep on visiting on each side so to keep their stance in the game. The discussions and talks must continue and continue aggressively if India and Pakistan wants to improve their relations.

Ideally, it is the responsibility of state on either side to cater to the notion of their public at large. And there are no guesses about what the common people --the illustrious Indians and Pakistanis--think about the coda of relationships as they should be. Peace is an easy word for both and it has to stay so in the taste too. The media rampage since 2000s have help the citizens to better understanding the conduct of their politicians qua the relationship between the two nations. To understand this, it must be grasped that relationship has its essence in the people to people complacence, the idea of similarity in culture and ethics, religiosity, quotidian tasks and also, the reactionary attitudes towards big mot juste like Corruption, Governance, War to name few.

Asif Zardari is visiting India. Media blares in resonance with panelists as to what should be the motive and what can be drawn out of the whole visit. So far there are many unconvincing opinions. The problem with such a scenario--where the media talks big with like minded opinion establishers-- is that common people doesn't gain much out of that as they are unable to grasp many of these terms--4 point solution, 9 point solutions, water treaties, judicial commission visits, 26/11 issue and its seemingly long trail. It is very unfair that they are made to feel like that because eventually everything that is discussed between the visiting and hosting parties has to do with the people of both nations. And what is important is to convey a sense of subtle sureness that the rounds of discussions every few months would at least be helpful in limiting the gap of communication between both the nations. That it is important to let the media talk about that and do that more often, so often that they end up discussing all the possibilities impossibilities that can come out of such talks. That it would leave no space for 'war' in that case. That people like Hafeez Sayeed or Geelani would find their heads muddled and confounded by such open conversation encouraged by often visits. That though the solutions to complex problems may never seem easy and if any has to happen behind close curtains, still there would always be a proponent belief that the solutions may happen any time in such a cordial atmosphere.

Thus, both nations and particularly the citizens have to make this whole give-and-take, visiting hosting as a game. The creative citizenry, I am sure, would find ways to even factor in the music, movies, cricket in the same. The sharing must seem a bliss. The internet and media can be influential proponents in the whole process. So I would like to just conclude that since every person--child, young and old--is a participant by default, there is but wiseness to keep playing the game and getting better at it.  

Media can pester the polity to any length it may wish

It is a common argument made against media that it always try to put words into the mouths of those personalities who are interviewed. Most of the time, it must be confessed, that the efforts are deliberate and look inquisitive, especially with the prominent members of the government or for that matter, even the opposition. What is necessary is to note that the media is a recognized body by the Constitution, Government and even the Judiciary to attain such a role if that allows it to draw info in the pursuance of larger truth. All the time media has dealt with half-truths and cajoling, comforting statements; it is the high time --since there are a shine of good journalists available--that the polity be pressed to a larger extent.

First: those who crib at media being iconoclastic, eloquent should be ashamed of such accusation. The ministers must out-smart media as it should be expected on such grounds of speechifying, dissertation or eloquence. The media acts as a votary of the common billions and they are under tremendous pressure themselves in their approach towards the scrabbling of truth out of deep hearts and minds.

Second: even the politicians or ministers have the common sense as to which media is relevant and which is yellow sphere. They always have the option to put off the requests of those who sensationalize or don't have the audience who can be nationally serious and concerning. But the contemporary times allow such media flair to exist and exist brilliantly where if the spokesmen of one party aren't coming to defend themselves, the spokesmen of the opposition would gobble all the time against the government---a fete which media can only but enjoy along with the viewers. So, the onus is always on the existing ministries to come to the channels (or panels) that matter and issue a defensive. This is a good sign and will only help in improving system--making it more accountable and transparent if any--and will do a great service to the commoner on the street by allowing him to participate by mere gesture of listening. (though they can always move to the media grounds and make comments or ask questions.)

Third: Many a faces of the party politics have been surfaced bare by the strength of media. Media may go overboard but it is one such institution that can admissibly do so without much harm. The reason for which would be a lopsided side the media has in the initial phases of any inquiry or investigation. When politicians themselves plunge to use lies of mammoth sizes, they can't blame media to concoct such questions which disrepute them or their party. They can't expect the same style of functioning from media, which doesn't even have such. Instead, they must present themselves, through their spokesmen or otherwise, and their ingenuous response on any matter as is being asked to. They can choose not to answer and dodge if they want. It will only ensure the audience who is the lucky lot after years to see the simultaneous jousting live between the government and the opposition and thus are able to understand many crafty angles to each discourse.

It is therefore important that the every participating side has such spokesmen who speak articulate, have strengths of eloquence and are intelligent. So far, this is in fact the case at least with Congress, BJP, BJD. I hope this continues and such shrewd tactics as to muzzle the media by means unconstitutional on mere ground that it pinches more and more, are not going to serve any purpose. The government may try to opt such means but only if the light is brought out to them that tomorrow they vacate the treasury benches as the voter may wish so and in that case their voice perhaps would be resounded by the same media on similar occasions. The biggest solace for me, personally, is that the commoner enjoys a lot: this flow of info, bickering, intelligent questions and responses-- all validating the tag of 'argumentative Indian' in a glittering way.

The common chord of corruption.

The recent scandal of alleged attempt to give the Indian army chief an offer of 14 crores to buy a particular set of  vehicles for the use of defense would make a burlesque mockery of all the temple of constitution if it were to go down the tunnel of time passage. Different voices are gaining rowdy larynx as the story develops every hour. First there was the man at the receiving end of the treacherous offer-- Army Chief V.K Singh, who chose suddenly, as if by a subtle bout of memory, to divulge the matter that was at hand a good years ago. But that the man has spoken is a plus service to the nation, or at least the sluggish expose would only end up making the 'Indian Defense' more strong.

The first riposte from the prominent media and television voices--merely in attempt to come up with some sloppy statement, or to get clarity out of reiteration-- was to take on V.P Singh's particular claim. The common phrase "Why now" resounded and did the first step in uniting the voices who were asked to comment. (United they felt at the same page, thus relieved and started with constructing understanding in their minds over an overly complex issue of national security). I know with certainty that were they to take time to reflect over the impetuous blare of theirs, they must be feeling pangs of shame now. Because the issue could not have been afforded to stray and thus it should have been handled such that the so called 'questioning voice' or more aptly the 'inquisitive voice' should have had the chance to sound rationally and apolitically.

Since we missed that moment yet again, it would be wise to let it rest now. The issue is about corruption and can't be alleviated to mere attempt of bribe. The honor of army has come under the dark by the plague of corruption. So far it was the say of politicians that were to be sought after to generate an understanding of the bulky issues but the realm of army is well beyond the mere politicos and extends up to the civilians. How often have we heard of voices--regular, proletariat, concerning, naive--who applauded the two institutions in the grand murk of Indian scope: The Supreme Court of India and The Indian Army. These two institutions so far have retained the sanity and respect as far the grand naivete of Indian's billions is concerned. Not only because these pledge to regard the sense of security and justice---the absolute crux of physiological aesthete--but also that these two institutions have shared a deep bonding with the scruffy slate of an average Indian. This concept of slate seems to lurch in the fear of being compromised. And to play the dirty game, it is unavoidably and paradoxically the chief of army who is the button pusher( or slate duster) here.

The weight of corruption has begun to burden the aesthetics now. It is after it has ended up with the tolerance of skin bearing, then emotional vacuity before it could reach out to the innermost aesthetics. The head was confused but the heart was convincing; now the head is dead and the heart is injured and so is the form and content of it. To survive in a mire like India (which one can do but not without human effort and of course, not by an amiss of voluntary effort of love) it is therefore necessary to keep this history of faith to give an assurance (and not the image or phantom of it) of future. The army chief must come out open and take the ordeal to make this investment in faith a plausible option. The nation sees to it--that nation where the politics is at the fringe and for a moment of pleasure the People act deliberately blurry at the edges.

The arcane slut ' Indian Democracy'

The arcane slut ' Indian Democracy'

Indian democracy has terribly lost its character. It miserably behaved-- or was made to do so-- as a young teen slithering from the socialite hands of Pandit Nehru and then slowly, by and by, there came a serial contemptuous polity that rendered it to the status used (shamelessly) in the masthead. There was something that prompted me to write like that.

In what way do the people of India understand the overly complex 'Democracy'? Many a people would shrug off merely hinting it as a loose sobriquet for the State or Parliament or Political Culture. (The last bit could have come half-way cross to its actual connotation but the user is insightful about it.) And to the elite, educated and counted, it is too meaningful that it would be a misery and vacuity to confine it to the definition originated from one (or a few) heads because every school of thought (because elites have schools of thought). As such, it is still searching for an honorable name but still--as it is seen almost everyday on news channels galore--that politicians, opinion makers, panelists at pseudo-intellectual debates would use it as a petty cave to slide in when asked of questions about the political culture they are seeked to rinse in.

Most of these excuses are made not to overtly take a stance while, to put in contrast, the codes of Democracy not only allows but facilitates one to take a stand. One wonderful definition that my professor recounted to me when I plied with him over the lack of it was: Democracy is the collective ethics of Political Culture of a nation. Thus it is the moral politics that underpins the body of Democracy. So why the likes of politicians would throw the word here and there, as if in discard while at the same time slobbering over it, ducking the question put to them. Congressmen have gone a bit ahead who would pontificate when asked about the right of author (Salman Rushdie) to retreat to his nation of birth, in saying that in a pressing democracy the voices of dissent should also be heeded and respected. Not to mention that in order to appease a mass taking the guise of or giving a burka to Democracy, there themselves with abashing give up their right to choose right. Here is where the degradation starts because as a political party in power in Indian Democracy they ought to have their way direction clear to not only point toward but also to guide others. This lack of thought and merely hiding under the cloak of cliche bickering of appeasement of certain mass of people will not do, should not do.

It is therefore--now, coming to the point--that politicians must own up Democracy. And the best way is to practice it. Not to merely call it along with all its trappings and equipage, like a wealthy hotelier would call for an escort agency to send in the best slut on the board because a client with deep pockets has to be appeased.

"India is a damning outrageous 'confusion' "

There is a hell lot that is happening to the largest democracy in the world--a major divide that patently threatens to rip the slight, tenuous fabric of Indian Democracy into many divides. You name an issue and you would immediately have different sections favoring, opposing, blabbering, middling over the matter. Almost all sections speak and assert as if with authority and bears a command in their tone to make an impact. Is this the confusion?

Heck No! This is normal in a vibrant democracy. One important aspect is to analyze who are the observers, listeners and the --this is critical!-- subjects of such assertions. The media is playing debates on air where the panelists debate (I am focusing mainly on this one, single and probably dangerous nature of the confusion conglomerate) over every issue that is the hot topic of the day. The whole discussion appears to be hung in the air, not at all propped on the literary stilts of context and connotation which is the beginning of the worry. Often these panelists are urban, upper middle class, opinion swashing fellows; and very often the matter that is discussed relates with poor, lower-middle class sections that unfortunately have no voice on the (esteemed) panel.

Then, the moderator or the anchor is unqualified to actually converge the heavy debate towards a more constructive end. Instead what happens is that a rigmarole of varied opinions self-sticking to the image of the speaker ends up confusing the listeners to whom it should have meant something. Not only an issue is churned  to loll at it extreme ends(which is usual) but those who stand at one end fail to support the cause of this end with good arguments. Cashing upon this the zealot at the other end shouts and blabbers only to meet a similar fate. At the end of the issue the listeners feel cracks in their heads while the opinion makers who contested in the debate would feel less assured about their opinions and would cringe, too.

The urban class who take a 'liberal' stance make all efforts to mean it. They would quote xyz from bards and novelists and would flash dissertation heavily laden with verbiage. They press, pontificate and shout/ shriek all the while sounding/ acting as if he/she is the conclusive authority over the matter. Mostly the anchor would go with these opinions. And on rare occasions when someone tries to take the side of under-privileged, sufferers they are mocked by sneers and taunts and laughs. Those who the sufferers (the major lot) feel that their repository could not put their point effectively and thus ended up being ridiculed. This adds to the confusion as not merely the true ground-reality of the case is not even put forward but had been adulterated and saddled with unimportant, farcical less important things.

What is more tragic in the whole frame of such discussions are played day in and day out where panelists with little (or no) knowledge of the issue debate and discuss purely on the base of semantics and their own mental model. Their picture of the worldly issues is largely distorted but it also, at the same time, ends up smudging that of others. The policy makes set to lose despite it being the only caring body (though only with insouciance) and the execution is stalled. The trivia of the media when magnified with the force of their presence actually turns out to be the constructors and contractors of the stalling.

The nation needs clearance--clarity of thought above all. The policy makers will function as they would be bored otherwise. They will blinker at corruption, inefficiency and ineptitude but will do something. They are not the new faces but the old, raddled ones and thus it is important to devise a way to milch them, their experience by letting them do the things. Of course, the leadership-change is inevitable but there is a wide gap that may result in if the transfer is not smoothened. Those who cringe, blabber, sulk, opinionate, vocalize are not the doers and therefore should shut themselves up for the sake of options of speaking for good times.

"Pakistan made fake Facebook profile to send 'Friend Request' to U.S"

If the reports are to be believed, Pakistan Foreign Affairs Ministry has sent a 'friend request' to United States using a fake Facebook Account.

The relationship of Pakistan with United States has been on the downhill since the army of Pakistan issued orders to retaliate any attack from NATO forces in the future. Also, Pakistan is boycotting the meeting with United States in Afghanistan as a mark of protest.

Inside officials blurted to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, that such a carefully thought step would help insure to play 'both ways'. On one side, people would feel that U.S and Pakistan are no more friends on Facebook while at the same time, Pakistan could still like U.S's photos if the friend request is accepted.

Heena Khar said that Pakistan would still need to do some homework first. To make a fake profile isn't easy. It should have already some friends under its Friend list to convince U.S of its genuine status. Afghanistan, Uzbekisthan, Kazakasthan, Morocco and the like, who are famous to accept anybody's friend request would be made friends first and then U.S would be approached.

Pakistan if hopeful that its new tactic could even help in viewing U.S's photos with other nations which was not allowed earlier owing to Pakistan's bad reputation of Unrealistic Eve Teaser. But Ministry says that it would refrain from commenting on U.S's profile as the bad grammar would easily let know that the fudge nation is Pakistan.

President Asif Zardari, still using Orkut, took sometime to know the features of Facebook but once learnt, said "Oh good! Lets stalk India."

Though, with recruitment of Ankur from IIT-Delhi by Facebook, ISI was skeptical of the move. Kayani said,"65 lacs for an undergrad! Don't you see the Indian hand there? He could be a RAW agent."

It is yet to be decided what name would such a fake profile bear. 'Namibia' could be chosen if there is no such username on Facebook. Also, whether 'Pakistan'  would be the friend of this fake-nation is yet to be decided. 

CAG chooses Kabil Sibbal to travel back in time to convince Mayans they were wrong @2012

New Delhi: The Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) of India, that had been recently in news because of their intricate calculations to reach at the number of crores Raja had caused a loss to the exchequer, announced a time odyssey that shook the Indian media today.

CAG has chosen Kabil Sibbal to lead a five member team to travel back in time to convince Mayans that they had been wrong in their calculations to predict an end to the world. Kabil Sibbal has been asked to reduce his weight by 65 kgs so as to not only be fit but also to fit-in the time-machine with other four travelers.

It was Sheeta Shrimati, a CAG employee who in her free time worked out the calculations available from the 5000 years olf Mayan calender civilization that she noticed a loophole. She immediately informed her seniors (those who had worked in A.Raja's case) and they realized that Sheetal was right.

In a press meet, Sibbal explained, 'Mayans had exaggerated the number of years. The fools didn't use the proper formulas to calculate the timing of end of the world. The equation they had formed had many complex solutions and since the complex numbers were yet to be developed, it is obvious they had come up with wrong answer to the equation. So according to CAG's calculations, the world should have ended on the day Raja was born. But that didn't happen. So Mayans were wrong.'

John Algorithm, a famous mathematician has refuted Sibbal's claim. According to John, even CAG's calculations are wrong. He says that as per Mayan calender's true reading, the world would end the day when either Lokpal Bill is passed or the other solution would be the day India would rid off from corruption. 

When FN raised John's concerns with Sibbal, he had a grin on his face and said, ''John Algorithm's brain size has gone to zero.'' 

While Kiran Bedi said that John may be right but still Kabil would not be wrong. Because there would be no such day when Lokpal is passed. And to calculate about the day when India is corruption free, well for that even the Kapil Sibbal of Mayan Civilization has to travel back in their time. 

Last we heard was that the Time Machine had been ready but Rahul Gandhi has taken it in the near future to see if he would be the next Prime Minister.

"India to turn upside-down to avoid corruption"

New Delhi: If the news are to be believed, India is soon going to shift its demarcations and turn upside-down on the global map. The Government has hinted strongly at this incredible wonder.

When the Lokpal bill was defeated shamefacedly in the Parliament, Kabil Sibbal and convoy came up with this excellent idea. 'See, everybody and everything is corrupt' explained Sibbal, 'why don't give it a try and see if we can un-corrupt ourselves. Ek koshsh to karlo.'

A Standing Committee has been organized to meet the unprecedented needs of such a variant geography. Pakistan would hang like a fool's hanging-garden and guess what, the Tamils (LTTE) would beat the religious shit out of their asses. The Keralites would shout slogans and would use so much 'Elaiya..akkad ..makkad..In Naal' that would discord the madrassas altogether.

On the other side, China would be doomed. With no protection of Himalayas, they would be vulnerable and America would come for the chinkanjees. The mighty dragon hand may grip Nepal and Tibet but it would be the 'chinka' strength of our own 'Seven-sisters' states to pull them along. The Communits of Kolkata would go far which would be equalized by communists of Kerala coming near to China. 

Punjab would get its free access to the oceans and a Shipbuilding process would be initiated by corrupt Badals which would send the people off to the shores of Kaneda, Amrika. Biharis would have the extra option to swim and work in Myanmar if not Mumbai.

It was unclear as what would draw such a massive muscle force to allow such a mega change. Dara Singh has increased his daily diet of Makhan Lassi, Khali could use his 'Vise grip' to turn the nation. Also, Sharad Pawar said that so far they have seen the activities of God only at cricket and not at geography. So there are multiple options available.

Sri Lanka would be given the option to choose between staying close to Kashmir and face deserted Paki militants or to float along and take Pakis, ISI, Chinkanjees, LTTE, Gorillas head-to-head. Unfortunately they would be doomed and had pleaded with India to give a space in the arm-pit under Gujarat. 

"Sachin could not complete ton because of Parliament ruckus"

Melbourne: While the people of India had been waiting on the occasion of double whammy of Lokpal on one side and Tendulker's ton on other, nobody would have thought that both these occasions would so interweave into each other.

Sachin, as a responsible citizen had always been extremely curious about the Lokpal bil. Whenever he would go for overseas tours, he had always had a radio device with him to listen upon the Lokpal dissertation. In the Boxing test, too, he had gone with earphones announcing the live coverage of proceedings of Parliament via the Aircel Mobile he had borrowed from Mahendra Dhoni.

Sachin had started to play good in the beginning. During the course of Sushma Swaraj's discourse, he had hope that such a 'shudh hindi discourse' would bow down government. In the optimism, he had played jubilant shots and advanced towards imminent history quickly.

Later Sachin confessed to Faking News that maximum help had been provided by the honorable speaker Meera Kumar, when her frequent 'Bhaith Jaayiye' helped him avoid the deadly bouncers from Siddle. When his nostrils would flare at Siddle monster, thousand miles away, Meera would calm him: 'Shaant rahiye, kyu behekte hai.'

His personal agony-model (Kabil Sibbal) when was asked to speak was when Sachin couldn't control his nerves. He began hitting everything that Pattinsom offered as he had began to see him as Sibbal. Only the zero-shaped mole was missing.

At every moment when BJP objected that bill could not pass, Sachin was seemed struggling. Since an adamant Anna Hazare supporter, when Lalu Prasad passed a trite remark about him, Sachin, the emotional soul, got really miffed at. Though, he didn't blame but Faking News thought that it was the movement when Siddle got better of the master. We can only hope that if the news are out in Bihar, people won't allow Lalu to come in power until Sachin's ton of tons is achieved.

Later there were also the rumors in the pavilion, that since Sachin was using Dhoni's phone, Sakshi might have called up. Sachin, now a middle aged suave man, might have stumped at the cheesy flickers these modern day girls use on the moment their male-counterparts pick the phone.  

" With Christmas at door steps, an engineer asks who is 'Santa Claus' "

It was an awkward moment for Faking News reporter Kaveri, when, gathering some bites for 'Christmas' she met an engineer who swore to have never known a character called Santa Claus.

She had been waiting outside an Engineering college in Uttar Pradesh (name of the college is deliberately smudged but has 'E and T' as its last two chars) when a bunch of guys, gel-haired and empty handed, came out of their classes.

The guy at front, Kapil, reverently wished Kaveri 'Merry Christmas' and also played 'Jingle Bells Jingle Bells' tone at his new ipod. But when she asked what would he ask from Santa this time, Kapil said, "But why would Santa give me anything."

Kaveri cleared that she didn't talk about Santa of Santa-Banta fame, but about Santa Claus. To which Kapil picked both of his hands in the air as if he was asked to decode a nuclear arsenal. 

His friend Mukesh tried to intervene and said, 'Madamji, Santa may go to hell. We only know Kishore Kant, he is a lame-ass and would not pass us in Electromagnetic Theory. So please let lost!'

Kaveri, playing sincere, tried to teach the kids on the matter, '' Oh ho boys! I know you are studious and aim to excel. Santa Claus is the one who comes at Christmas night and distribute gifts to others."

Now it was Kapil: '' Studious my foot! Charas and Joint are what we care for. If this Santa keeps any marijuana in his bags, then let him come at night. We will electrify him and snatch his bags. By the way, what does Santa do for his living?''

To which even our Kaveri didn't have any answer. But Mukesh, being an engineer and thus possessing ability to explain even the mystery of 'mystery', replied mockingly  "Santa is a scooter-mechanic and when not in his shop, he is at the theka ( desi bar)". And clapping off they went asking each other to wake for the night in case the bitch reporter's assertion might come true: 'We can't let go free marijuana in any cse"

"Tihar Jail finally got its first Flash Crowd"

Tihar, Delhi: The beaming jailer of Tihar jail today announced that that to keep in pace with other institutions, Tihar jail has decided to go for its very own 'flash mob'.

In a press release, jailer Dinanath Chauhan, cut it out to the press of how the flash mob would be organized. 'See, the arrangements for the necessary infrastructure has been given a a responsibility to-- you guessed it right--- Suresh Kalmadi.'

When cross-questioned over the skill of Mr.Suresh to price even normal toilet-wraps at unhealthily high prices, Dinanath responded," But there are enough checks and balances to that. He is paired with Raja who has the counter-skill to keep the prices as low as possible. In the end, it would even out, you would see. In this matter, we bet Raja would be the baap and we can even have prices as low as 0.'

He grinned when asked who would begin the dance, 'Why? Lalit Bhanot is our choreographer. He is a good learner and we have allowed him to watch some Mithunda's movies to gather some groovy steps. Earlier, we decided to hand him Madhuri's CDs but then we switched to Mithun as we have more of male frauds."

Apart from assisting Kalmadi in preparations, Mr. Raja will perform additional task of setting up 2G featured videography for the Flash Crowd. 'No, he was debarred to consult Chidambaram over the task and has to rely on his own competence.''

The chief guest is yet to be decided though Dinanath gave a strong hint that it could be Kanimozhi. The inmates have been missing her badly. All have been in consensus as they feel that it would be a kya-baat-hai moment if the flash begins with a thumka rather than the jolly vibrations of Bhanot's potbelly. 

The song could be Kolaveri.D. It hasn't been finalized yet. 'Sadda Haq' was discarded as the inmates get emotional because they only see 'bail' as their genuine haq (right).  Also, Rehman's tracks are generally pacy and we have many oldies here and can't dance their arthritis to the tunes of Rehmna, informed Dinanath Chauhan.

Submission: "Everything set and done for Tendulkar's 100th hundred"

Canberra: While the master blaster himself may not have been yet aware of the inviting conditions at the ground, a collusive team apparently set by the BCCI has almost ensured the hundredth ton for Sachin Tendulkar.

"BCCI has thrown monies like a child would throw milk," informed an inside source, "and if everything falls into place, we Indians would swell with pride like never before. It has been erupted from back-channels that first step towards this golden moment was taken by BCCI when it had agreed to pay for Greg Chappel on behalf of Cricket Australia.

'Chappel, we know, can be dealt with chappel only. For he would spoil everything from bowler to batter to fielder. Like a jownk (snail) Sirjee, Chappel chipaks to the team and sucks any victorious blood available', explained the source, code-named Chuska Khabri.

The next bucket of money, Chuska informed, went to the brother of Mazhar Majeed (Mazhar of Pakistan's match-fixing fame) who would hire newbies of Australian cricket (Mitchell Starc, Nathan Lyon) and confirm the weak overs of them. The rates were abnormally low after the bad repo of Majeed brothers when they were caught and so, it must be mentioned, the bucket of money was what we use for sandas rather for a bathe.

A special contract with head chef of the hotel where Australian team would reside has been made. Signed by Sharad Pawar, agriculture minister, the rotten food from the warehouses would be outsourced. The food is guaranteed to fire and churn the stomachs of at least Shane Watson, who would think the food as same as he had in India. Not to take any chances, rats have been intimated to work extra hours to spoil before the food is shipped.

Five personnel of IIPM college have been hired by BCCI who would each be given a mirror to flash it in the eyes of the Australian player who would attempt master's catch. They are expected to position themselves over the stand tops and the successful flash of mirror would be saved from going back to IIPM. Enthusiastic Ajay shouted, 'Main to sir sheesha mar-mar de sab andhe kar doonga!' 

Other arrangements like dozens of Boost cans (the secret of Sachin's energy), a good testicular-guard (to comfort the master in his shrugs) and CDs of song 'Ailaah! Ailaah!' (to play Sachin's best line at stadia( have been made. Chuska has said that the nation may be ready at heels to celebrate. 

Submission: "Furore in India over an ad-campaign featuring 'Lokpall' "

In an unapologetic ad-campaign from the famous brand Fakefins Ltd., the company took the nation by storm when it promoted its new product in the market by the name 'Lokpal'.

A minute length video had been running on almost every channel which shows a shabby women saying : "Your very own personal solution to all kinds of bugs, alien-ants and corruption of toilet seats (both desi and english fashion) from stains, bacteria and fungi, one product complete package cheap to buy, easy to apply. Apnayiye, Azmayiye, Chamkayeeye! -- 'Lokpal' toilet cleaner! Lokpal toilet cleaner."

Fakingfins have clearly cashed in on the popularity of 'Lokpal' which the sources say is a new law that was designed at Ram Leela Maidan by anti-corruption crusader Anna Hazare. We saw the ad many times but there was no credit given to Annaji.

The supporters of Team Anna have taken offence to use such an important word which would possible, by its sheer force, would wipe any bug of corruption, every trace of it by its mere administrative application in India. 

In villages, people had never understood the word and when it was being flashed in scree-large purple color on television screens, everybody rushed to have a glimpse of 'Lokpal'. "I was watching Big Boss where Bhajji's bandar has been invited recently, and then in the ad it was proclaimed that 'Lokpal' has been made and is easily available in your recent kirana shops" said Babloo, village Ralegan Sidhi. At his scream, his chachaji rushed into the room and decided to immediately buy the product to use it against local patwari. Patwari had been asking for corruption and Chachaji had known 'Lokpal's' guarantee work against any corruption unit. But when local kirana owner laughed at his demand, Chacha said "Wait! let these retail stores come. I will see you then, Baniya"

Civil Society has taken the matter to the court. It was not due to the word 'Lokpal' but because the women who promoted it looked like a bit like Kanimozhi. The ad-maker has been found and will be soon tied to a pole and beaten by the belt by personal whip of Annaji, who, our sources say, would act like a mother.

Arvind Kejrival has no objection to the campaign as he says it will only help promote the issue of corruption. But then he did give the warning that if Congress would fail to pass the bill 'Lokpal' in this session, then he would personally urge the buyers of toilet cleaner 'Lokpal' to use against the members of the Parliament. Since then there is a tense situation in India. 

On a separate note, 'Lokpal' has sold more units in two days than were the hits on 'Kolaveri' song link.

Submission:"A VHP activist to measure 'Chiknahat' of Chikni Chamenli "

The fringe group VHP (Vishva Healthcare Paintra) has decided to measure the smoothness of Chikni Chameli aka Katrina Kaif after his item number in the upcoming movie 'Agnipath'.

VHP has been working to improve the mores of Indian culture and feels that it has an official capacity to do so. It had earlier handled complex cases like 'Mallika's Murder' and also the infamous case, when a skin barometer had asked Payal Rohatgi to 'Ab Bas' her skin exposure.

VHP had earlier been effective in targeting the film item numbers after the release of the movie when much of the damage is done, as its spokesman Sheila Bezubani said. 'But a team of our researchers has designed a litmus-test to measure the 'chiknahat' so that youth of India don't rough themselves up as a part of natural reaction.

'Our main problem was a range for the allowed smoothness and also that for the prohibition', explained the lead researcher Anna Bichare. He said while the lowermost level was the DNA sample of Om Puri's skin, which was easily available, they had to strive for the upper level.

When they could not figure what should be the upper level, Sheila Bezubani reprimanded the research team of their perverse intentions because when the VHP wanted to bar item-numbers on the basis of minimum allowed 'chiknahat' why would they want the uppermost level.

The allowed level was not a problem as it was decided to purely lay the limit based on the experiences of Emraan Hashmi. The decision line that was drawn was this: "Any  kind of smoothness that would be capable enough to obstruct the hands of Emraan while moving over the female body would be rendered as 'unsuitable'. Different DNA samples which included that of Rakhi Sawant's 'Mika-less part of skin', a prick from John Abraham's butt, and others were tested against Emraan's hands. The appropriate level had been reached with John's sample but with Dostana 2 still many cuts away, it was nullified and Mayawati's sample was finalised.

Though the VHP is yet to clear the air on how they got the Maya's sample, it hasn't come up with a convincing answer. Some says that it was from her statue in Lucknow which bears exactly the same 'chiknahat' as that of Mayawati's but secret sources say Julian Assange's role is speculated.

Anyway, Chikni Chameli is sent a summons and she would have to be personally present or sent a sample. The sample, as the condition is, must come after a fresh bath and should not be mixed with critic's reviews.