Submission:"A VHP activist to measure 'Chiknahat' of Chikni Chamenli "

The fringe group VHP (Vishva Healthcare Paintra) has decided to measure the smoothness of Chikni Chameli aka Katrina Kaif after his item number in the upcoming movie 'Agnipath'.

VHP has been working to improve the mores of Indian culture and feels that it has an official capacity to do so. It had earlier handled complex cases like 'Mallika's Murder' and also the infamous case, when a skin barometer had asked Payal Rohatgi to 'Ab Bas' her skin exposure.

VHP had earlier been effective in targeting the film item numbers after the release of the movie when much of the damage is done, as its spokesman Sheila Bezubani said. 'But a team of our researchers has designed a litmus-test to measure the 'chiknahat' so that youth of India don't rough themselves up as a part of natural reaction.

'Our main problem was a range for the allowed smoothness and also that for the prohibition', explained the lead researcher Anna Bichare. He said while the lowermost level was the DNA sample of Om Puri's skin, which was easily available, they had to strive for the upper level.

When they could not figure what should be the upper level, Sheila Bezubani reprimanded the research team of their perverse intentions because when the VHP wanted to bar item-numbers on the basis of minimum allowed 'chiknahat' why would they want the uppermost level.

The allowed level was not a problem as it was decided to purely lay the limit based on the experiences of Emraan Hashmi. The decision line that was drawn was this: "Any  kind of smoothness that would be capable enough to obstruct the hands of Emraan while moving over the female body would be rendered as 'unsuitable'. Different DNA samples which included that of Rakhi Sawant's 'Mika-less part of skin', a prick from John Abraham's butt, and others were tested against Emraan's hands. The appropriate level had been reached with John's sample but with Dostana 2 still many cuts away, it was nullified and Mayawati's sample was finalised.

Though the VHP is yet to clear the air on how they got the Maya's sample, it hasn't come up with a convincing answer. Some says that it was from her statue in Lucknow which bears exactly the same 'chiknahat' as that of Mayawati's but secret sources say Julian Assange's role is speculated.

Anyway, Chikni Chameli is sent a summons and she would have to be personally present or sent a sample. The sample, as the condition is, must come after a fresh bath and should not be mixed with critic's reviews.