Submission: "Everything set and done for Tendulkar's 100th hundred"

Canberra: While the master blaster himself may not have been yet aware of the inviting conditions at the ground, a collusive team apparently set by the BCCI has almost ensured the hundredth ton for Sachin Tendulkar.

"BCCI has thrown monies like a child would throw milk," informed an inside source, "and if everything falls into place, we Indians would swell with pride like never before. It has been erupted from back-channels that first step towards this golden moment was taken by BCCI when it had agreed to pay for Greg Chappel on behalf of Cricket Australia.

'Chappel, we know, can be dealt with chappel only. For he would spoil everything from bowler to batter to fielder. Like a jownk (snail) Sirjee, Chappel chipaks to the team and sucks any victorious blood available', explained the source, code-named Chuska Khabri.

The next bucket of money, Chuska informed, went to the brother of Mazhar Majeed (Mazhar of Pakistan's match-fixing fame) who would hire newbies of Australian cricket (Mitchell Starc, Nathan Lyon) and confirm the weak overs of them. The rates were abnormally low after the bad repo of Majeed brothers when they were caught and so, it must be mentioned, the bucket of money was what we use for sandas rather for a bathe.

A special contract with head chef of the hotel where Australian team would reside has been made. Signed by Sharad Pawar, agriculture minister, the rotten food from the warehouses would be outsourced. The food is guaranteed to fire and churn the stomachs of at least Shane Watson, who would think the food as same as he had in India. Not to take any chances, rats have been intimated to work extra hours to spoil before the food is shipped.

Five personnel of IIPM college have been hired by BCCI who would each be given a mirror to flash it in the eyes of the Australian player who would attempt master's catch. They are expected to position themselves over the stand tops and the successful flash of mirror would be saved from going back to IIPM. Enthusiastic Ajay shouted, 'Main to sir sheesha mar-mar de sab andhe kar doonga!' 

Other arrangements like dozens of Boost cans (the secret of Sachin's energy), a good testicular-guard (to comfort the master in his shrugs) and CDs of song 'Ailaah! Ailaah!' (to play Sachin's best line at stadia( have been made. Chuska has said that the nation may be ready at heels to celebrate.