"Anna Hazare was about to 'catharcize' whole nation in one go"

It was almost a 'Godly' attempt by Anna Hazare, who fervent in his attempt to force UPA into passing a strong Lokpal, took a different stance at Ram Leela Ground on Monday.

Annaji was conducting a day-long fast where every party except Congress had its leaders doing the rounds of speech-making. Crowds had come in great numbers and it was suddenly proclaimed by activist Arvind Kejrival, that for the sake of nation and to sterilize it from bug corruption, Annaji had decided to be 'God' for a day.

While the media channels had thought of such a claim as a mere entertainment tactic that Team Anna had a past indulging in, it was Faking News who knew that the man Anna always had the potential to assume a supernatural status, if not, for a short while.

The effect was gigantic and in a flash, the crowd began to pull up those who had been engaging in corrupt practices in past or of late. 

The first one to come up was a washer-man who confessed to have stolen a piece of paper which he had thought of money but it turned out to be a broken piece of Lokpal draft. The leakage of the contents of draft was later traced to this very washer-man. 

It was seen that Anna's charm had persuaded several men in similar clothes to group in the first row from the stage. The color of their clothes was 'khakhi' and one of them, probably the DGP, raised a white banner which read, "We are all ashamed, Annaji."

The problem was aggravated as the supernatural charm was intensified when suddenly politicians from all the parties began pouring in. Almost everyone of them while asked to speech began to confess of their own indulgence in corruption. Annaji was sneering from behind as the ministers could not believed what they were saying.

Small episodic confessions were also there: A sarkari clerk had began to incessantly blurt out numbers and he continued even after the event was over. A short chindi hold out a document in air and clamored "Here Annaji, I submit. This is Bhajji's passport. Take it if you want."

When Kiran Bedi passed the crowd a sack of coal asking them to smear their face in black tinge as a dishonorary mark of being corrupt, there began a chain of black-faces which didn't end till the sack was empty. Someone was rushed to get extra sacks. It is not confirmed though but Kiran Bedi, with her hands black from passing the coal-sack shook hands with Kejrival, too. CBI has been asked by missing Congress to verify if those were also the 'Corruption marks'.

The whole event brought a collective shame to the gathered numbers. Annaji was smiling his white smile and he shone like a moon until his charm was broken. A man on the stage when allegedly claimed to see some black marks on Anna's neck, was given to the crowd and was pawar-slapped. The opposition later charged Congress to have tricked them all as it said the darkest black color would have been borne by Congressmen, had they been present and thus, explained their absence.

"The whole population of Internet Users soon to be behind bars under new IT Act"

Reacting to the defamatory content being published on the internet, the Government has come up with an act that hold clauses which would allegedly put the whole Internet community behind bars. 

Mr. Sibbal explained the clauses with a skirmish smile while his mole shone like a lode star in the press. " See, I am going to narrate one by one how every single user can be held responsible for his internet conduct."

The first thing was obviously what would be considered defamatory. Sibbal says that since it is a social forum, so every person who has more than say 200 friends or followers, would be (and is self professedly) a public figure. An application of clause 1 of the IT law would mean even if a friend has written F-word or anything defamatory, be it in the form of banter, he/ she would be chargeable under the law.

Any video or graphical image if shared with anybody would make them equally liable under 'Defamatory chain clause' of the law. This would potentially put all the millions who shared 'Kolaveri Video' since a sassy girl from IIPM has filed an FIR that the song personally offends her. All the IP addresses of those who shared the video would be soon behind the bars or may have to serve a sentence in IIPM itself.

One branch of CBI is also tracing those net buddies who had once defamed God Sachin as he was criticised when he was having a poor run in form. Mr. Khatri, a CBI official investing the case, shockingly reveled that Sachin himself may be incarcerated since he had written somewhere this line: "I am in a bad form and would think of quitting if it continues like this."

The situation is more worse with 'Feduciary Liability clause' which says that if the computer is traced to a particular house but no one person agrees to it, then Mother Father Sister Brother Grandfather Grandmother would be picked up and put under special 'Family cells' in Tihar.

Sibbal has issued a special warning to Faking News, notifying the clause, that since there is a bulky community of followers, if any post is found defamatory then all of them would he held for offence on the ground of 'Abetting in crime'. An equal guilt would mark them as offenders under the law. Followers were soon found to remove all the comments and likes on Sibbal's last few posts. 

The whole internet community is lulled. Nobody is writing or complaining as it would amount to offence under some clause. We have risked our head while writing this post but if we are put behind the bars, we urge you to keep your hands off any virtual violence online.

"123 new weasel words and novel F Bombs discovered by Indians after Kabil Sibbal's comments"

Within minutes of Kabil Sibbal's comments to pre-screen the comments on Facebook, Indian Online Engines churned out such a blast of F-words, sleaze poems and point-blank weasel content, that left even the Facebook astounded.

Reacting to Sibbal's content, a sudden surge among the Internet Users were observed. People, as the reports suggest, reacted according to their distinctive pedigree.

While the flag bearers of Free Speech deliberately used words like "In your face", " Sibbal Teri M** K* C***" , "***tia " and challenged the minister to come after them if he had the nuts, the reaction of youngsters especially from Engineering Colleges was innovatively different. The attempts are underway to mix the cuss words so that Facebook may never know what to remove. Like the ending 'e' from 'Parachute' was cut, replacing 'o' by 'u' in London.

Mrighal, an IIT-ian, designed a bug which would automatically place the initials of Kapil Sibbal, after every F-word used at online forum. "It is my anger against the encroachment", he wrote, "who the F*** K.S is he to ask me what not to write" and illustrated one example, too.

There was fear among the bloggers who always stuck to normal parlance staying away from swear words. They realized if they didn't use the prohibited words, then they may never know who did they look like while using them. Anytime the ban may be imposed. Thus, many journalists, content writers and bloggers started to throw deliberate F-bombs, C-bombs and M-missiles which, due to their little usage over the years, were sluggish. 

A common trend noticeable was that most of the new discovered words were being tested first with the subject name of Kabil Sibbal himself. It was laughable. The poor minister was last found to be lambasted 53million times on a solo basis, while 12million comments extended to involve maa-bhehen too.

Facebook, responding to the flurry came out with a solution after watching the shocking response of netizens, and explained the honorable minister that the objectionable content would be one fourth from now, if they they debar 'just his name' from being used. When it was explained to Sibbal what had the audience done to his name, he took out his Blackberry only to flush red as some Visual Design unemployed had sent him his nude pic in bathroom, which is allegedly thought to be morphed.

"Pakistan made fake Facebook profile to send 'Friend Request' to U.S"

If the reports are to be believed, Pakistan Foreign Affairs Ministry has sent a 'friend request' to United States using a fake Facebook Account.

The relationship of Pakistan with United States has been on the downhill since the army of Pakistan issued orders to retaliate any attack from NATO forces in the future. Also, Pakistan is boycotting the meeting with United States in Afghanistan as a mark of protest.

Inside officials blurted to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, that such a carefully thought step would help insure to play 'both ways'. On one side, people would feel that U.S and Pakistan are no more friends on Facebook while at the same time, Pakistan could still like U.S's photos if the friend request is accepted.

Heena Khar said that Pakistan would still need to do some homework first. To make a fake profile isn't easy. It should have already some friends under its Friend list to convince U.S of its genuine status. Afghanistan, Uzbekisthan, Kazakasthan, Morocco and the like, who are famous to accept anybody's friend request would be made friends first and then U.S would be approached.

Pakistan if hopeful that its new tactic could even help in viewing U.S's photos with other nations which was not allowed earlier owing to Pakistan's bad reputation of Unrealistic Eve Teaser. But Ministry says that it would refrain from commenting on U.S's profile as the bad grammar would easily let know that the fudge nation is Pakistan.

President Asif Zardari, still using Orkut, took sometime to know the features of Facebook but once learnt, said "Oh good! Lets stalk India."

Though, with recruitment of Ankur from IIT-Delhi by Facebook, ISI was skeptical of the move. Kayani said,"65 lacs for an undergrad! Don't you see the Indian hand there? He could be a RAW agent."

It is yet to be decided what name would such a fake profile bear. 'Namibia' could be chosen if there is no such username on Facebook. Also, whether 'Pakistan'  would be the friend of this fake-nation is yet to be decided.

" After bail, Kanimozhi says she finds her life as 'changed changed' "

After months of dithering from Supreme Court, finally, Kanimozhi took a sigh of relief when she was granted bail by the court. In her joy, Mrs. Kanimozhi was scampering to her hometown where a grand party had been organized by her father, Karunanidhi.

Though Mrs. Karunanidhi didn't discuss anything with the reporters after her release, she had promised to Faking News that we would be the first who she would give interview to. And she did call us in the evening.

"I told you I would call you first," she said, while we were fixing cameras in her garden, "I have never lied and never took any bribe". Sachchi, for a moment, we thought we were convinced.

We asked her our pet ice-breaker of a question: 'So Kaniji, how do you feel spending months in jail? How do you feel?'

She was in her comfortable airs and replied smilingly, 'Ohh! It is like, you know, something changed changed as they say in Hindi movies. I feel at home.'

She told us how she has been a changed person herself. 'After months of seeing those culprits in prison, I was tired. Some youngsters, having no idea of who I  was, even hit on me a couple of times. It was only after I throw abuses one day when they realized I was from somewhere South and left me spare after that.'

When asked, what new she noticed after release, Kanimozhi said that her channel had suffered loses, Papa had been tired of his innumerous rounds of Delhi and of course, that we mediawalas have got new stylish cameras. Though, we noticed, she didn't comment anything about our phones and phone networks. But when we prodded  her she just said, "The matter is still sub judice" and showed us--or what we felt-- a teasing anghutha (thumb).

She also openly told us about her new offers from Tamil Movies. She is a star now and mere her name would pull audience to the theatres. Also, she shyly said, there is one offer from Bollywood as Madhur Bhandarkar had confirmed her dates (when she is possibly not back in Court)- the movie is Jail-2, and the story, too, could be written by Kani herself. She is known to have accepted the offer only if the villain in the film is Subramanium Swamy.

When asked would she be accepted as a heroin, she was quick to reply, ' Type my name in Google bar, and observe what the second option that unfolds. It says "Kanimozhi hot" and you still have doubts?' We verified and she, again, was speeking nothing but the truth.

Then she answered a couple of questions more and got up. We asked where she was going and she, shamelessly blurted, 'Papa just called. There is one meeting with some guys who want to buy some spectrum of 4G.' She shooed away and what we felt was a thundering silence in the room.

"CBI to launch a special 'Investigation Series' to deal with Elite-slapping"

Owing to the increasing episodes of elites-- mainly ministers-- being at the receiving end of slaps and blows of late, Government has asked Central Bureau of Investigation(CBI) to take the case in its hands.

This is the only agreement that could be agreed between all the parties and the decision was unanimously taken at the back channels of the Parliament. 'In common fear, ministers stand united', quipped Mani Shankar Ayer.

"We have been asked to psychologically understand the perpetrators of slaps, to understand the germs of anger which led to such outbursts. We are already through our investigations. The slacks from Fingerprinting Department are proving to be a great help in our investigation" said Kanti Shah, a renowned CBI official.

When asked what is their modus operandi, Shah stated, "See, we have a pronged approach here. Baba Bhavishya-Batau,who is expert in reading palms, and has been a great associator of CBI in the past is our apt tool. We would take fingerprints from the cheeks, necks and other portions, where the ministers were slapped and those prints would be interpreted by Baba to understand the motives and more importantly to know the possibility of future attacks from the same slapper"

It was clear how renowned slapper Harvinder Singh, who warned of suchlike attacks after overpowering Pawar, could be stopped using Baba's gyan. 

"Sukhram ji, who had been slapped since a while now, had mistakenly washed his cheek in Tide in awe, and thus the prints came badly. But Mr.Pawar's cheek had well-cut contours of Harvinder's hand-marks. What worries us is that Baba Bhavishya-Batau says the man has still many slaps to go", informed Kanti Shah.

A team had been sent to P.Chidambram's house since we thought he could have kept the legendary chappal that was thrown at him, which could have helped understand chappal-slinger from his palm prints of not of hands. What we found that senior minister, knowing that his days in Parliament could be numbered, spends most of his time in the House, though sitting idle. Thus, he was not in his home when CBI went, as Mr.Shah informed, but there was a stray chappal lying near the edge of his garden.

To widen the database, possible suspects like the ones with large hands and loose chappals are to be identified and precautionary measures are taken by taking their finger prints in advance. all these would be read by Baba.

The method of investigation took a new turn, when S.S Rathore, a culprit in Ruchika Girhotra's case who was bashed outside a Chandigarh Court, disclosed to CBI that, in his case, it was more of desi ghassuns (indigenous fists) than mere slaps. The disclosure meant that apart from palm and feet signs, the knuckles, too, have to be considered for the Database. This has delayed the CBI's report, as says Mr. Shah, otherwise Baba Bhavishya-Batau would have by now predicted the next elite who will be bashed.

"CBI to launch a special 'Investigation Series' to deal with Elite-slapping"

While the media buzz had not stopped from humming since the Bollywood queen Madhuri Dixit moved back to India with her family, Mrs. Nene has decided to ponder going back to United States. The reasons, as she puts herself, are obvious and blaring at your face: "This country, bhaisaab, is not the one I had left. a lot has changed."

Madhuri had been summoned to launch a mobile model at a local shop in Mumbai, when she, out of sheer joy, proclaimed 'Bombay' instead of 'Mumbai'. Hints are that there were some MNS workers who had been employed to make arrangements for the small felicitation and then what followed was furore. Madhuri was dumbstuck to find that 'tejaab'has been poured over the usage of this Portuguese mispronounced 'Bombay'.

Thought the MNS workers were convinced after the apologies were given by the shop owner Mr. Chashmebadoor, the further mud was slung by the presence of Ashok Chavan in the party. Press reporters had been hording up and demanding answers if Mr. Chavan ever had dreams on staying in Adarsh society flat to which the reply of the sacked minister was: " Yes! why not? It was yesterday only that I dreamed that court has issued a judgement in my favor. And since I had a firm belief now that my dream would come true because once in my college I had a secret crush on Madhuri, and see today she is here."

Madhuri, when asked what she thinks of 2G scandal and Commonwealth loot, she said she didn't know much about that. When Faking News had to refer a calculator to point the number of zeroes in the loot money, Madhuri was dumbstruck and the image of zeroes in her eyes transfered from calculator's flash made her dizzy. When she regained her senses, she still had remnants of that image in her eyes.

When asked what she thinks of Rahul Gandhi, she was reluctant to speak indicating to a sad faced man standing nine feet away who had airs of a politician, and would mind if she says anything untoward. But, we must admit we were about to laugh because the man was Sharad Pawar and told Madhuri, to explain her morose mood, that the poor guy had been slapped and, by the way, he was not from BJP. Madhuri was appalled to know the price of onion and daal, when we explained her the reason why Mr. Pawar was slapped. She immediately ordered Dr. Nene to buy more of pasta and less of onion for the week.

It was then when we came to know of her reluctance to prolong her stay because on being asked where would she buy her house in Bom...err..Mumbai, that she, taking some paper from 'choli ke peeche se' said: "this is my U.S passport. What does it say? It says I am a tourist here, so please mind your questions" and then she walked away from us. Speculation are that she had a small fight with her doctor husband last night, and urged him to move back to U.S since "India has changed".